Revenge is a Dish Best Served Gay
by LostInCamelot
Summary: In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own it ok?! Why must you make me repeat myself?!?!**

**AN: Right...so....NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM. I get hit with these ideas and they really get away from me. Oh well. The fic is rated for cursing (lots) and eventual slashiness. Don't read if you don't like! Reviews are love!!  
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It's one of those nights where all you want to do is get drunk off your ass. One of those nights were you actually CAN without there being terrible consequences, like a missed paper worth half your grade or forgetting that you promised your father you'd have lunch with him the following day.

Arthur Pendragon had many of these near misses since he met Merlin Emrys, barely two months ago. He had really been a terrible influence on Arthur. Not that he had be at all innocent before they met, but Arthur was pretty sure that he never would have snogged the bloody fuck out of another bloke before Merlin had crashed into his life. It had only happened once and they were both drunk beyond all reason and being the manly men that they are, they never speak of it.

"Let's get smashed." Arthur said as Merlin came into their dorm room laden down with numerous paint brushes, paint tubes, paint remover, and every other type of painting thing known to man. Figures he, the footballer, would be roomed with an artist.

"Why?" Merlin asked.

That was one thing that annoyed Arthur about his roomie. He always questioned his ideas. "Cause there's nothing better to do, that's why." Was his logical answer.

"Riiiight. Because last time we drank it went over so well." Merlin muttered dryly as he absentmindedly scratched at a paint blot on his arm.

Another quirk that irked him. He always had paint somewhere on his body.

"Come on Merlin." He drawled. "Don't be a wanker." He said, ignoring Merlin's reference to their drunken snog. They weren't supposed to talk about it after all.

"Don't you have lunch with the Nazi tomorrow?" Merlin asked as he flung himself on his bed.

"No." Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "And don't call my father that. Come on! I just wanna get drunk."

Merlin sighed. "All right, what happened?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You never just want to get drunk, Arthur. Especially not here in this piss small dorm room. So you might as well tell me now why you want to consume your weight in alcohol , before you do it while we're too drunk to remember."

"So there will be drinking then?"

"Yes, you useless sod, I'll get drunk with you, but only if you tell me the reason why."

"Christ, Emrys. You're such a fucking girl." He muttered. "It's…Sophie." He said finally.

"Ah the Queen Bitch herself." Merlin said.

"You know it's getting very hard to ignore the names you call the people I know.

"Well, know better people and I won't have to do that now will I?" Merlin answered, cheekily. 'What did she do this time? Max out her dad's credit cards? Get pissed and give a professor a lap dance? Get someone kicked out of Uni just because they told her, her outfit was shit? Eat a baby?"

Arthur couldn't help but laugh at the last one and tried very hard to ignore the fact that the rest had actually happened.

"She's been cheating on me with Valiant for three months." He finally said.

"Shit." Merlin said, sitting up. "Shit."

"Yeah. That's the general consensus."

"Jesus Christ. Mate, I'm sorry." Merlin told him.

"Me too." Arthur mumbled.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Merlin got off his bed and rummaged around in their mini-fridge for the store of alcohol they kept hidden in there.

"Here." He said, sitting on Arthur's bed and handing him a shot glass. "This calls for Vodka shots."

Arthur chuckled. "Why's that?"

"In memory of the time Queen Bitch got so sick off it she had to get her stomach pumped. God, it was three blissful days she was out of commission." He said dreamily as he poured himself and Arthur a shot each.

"To Queen Bitch." Merlin said raising his glass in a toast. "My she go colour blind, may all her shoes turn to dust and may her uterus shrivel up and die from the disease Valiant certainly passed along."

"I'll bloody drink to that." Arthur laughed as he clinked their glasses together.

"You know," Merlin said sometime, and numerous shots, later. "You technically cheated on her as well. Granted, you were trashed beyond belief…" He trailed off. "Where the hell to do you store it all anyway?" He demanded.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Not all of us are skinnier than a lamp post, Merlin. And what do you mean I cheated on her? How the hell do you figure that?"

"Well, not really cheated on her per say. But I distinctly remember getting snogged at Owain's birthday party two weeks ago."

Arthur shook himself and tried to fight off the dreamy daze the alcohol was forcing upon him. 'Who the fuck says _per say_ anymore?" He asked and he hit Merlin with a pillow.

"Piss off you bastard." He said laughingly, hitting Arthur back with a second pillow.

"And I distinctly remember that we said we'd never speak of the incident." Arthur reminded him, walloping him back.

"I don't seem to recall that particular conversation." Merlin said grinning, smacking Arthur again.

"Do you really want to start a war with me, Emrys?" Arthur asked dangerously. "I'll kick your skinny arse all the way to the moon and back." He threatened, swinging his pillow for show.

"Underestimate me, you do." Merlin said trying to imitate Yoda. "A bitter defeat you shall have."

Arthur couldn't help the back of laughter that erupted from him. "You are so fucking weird, Emrys." He told him.

The fight that ensued would go down in pillow thrashing history as an epic battle.

Arthur swung his pillow down as if he were wielding a bloody mace, bearing down on Merlin like a mad man, as Merlin blocked the attack with his own pillow, laughing and he drove his own weapon at Arthur's exposed side. Arthur grunted and fell back onto his bed as Merlin scrambled to take advantage of his exposed position, but Arthur was back up in a flash and practically full bodied tackled Merlin onto the bed.

"Oof!" Merlin groaned. "Get off me, you stupid prat!"

"Not until you yield!" Arthur said, hitting Merlin with a steady stream of attacks.

"Yield?" Merlin laughed as he elbowed Arthur in the stomach. "Who the fuck do you think you are? A knight?"

"God, your arms are bloody bony." Arthur complained before Merlin's pillow thwacked him in the face and he fell back once again and the boys then hastily moved to offensive positions.

They were both on their knees in front of each other now. Arthur's blankets and sheets were rumpled and twisted in their legs and their breathing was heavy as the faced one another.

"So, _Sir Arthur_." Merlin mocked. "Do you give up?"

"Not a chance. I won't lose to a twig with legs."

"Then to lose, your only option is." Merlin said, with a grin so huge and brilliant Arthur had a fleeting thought that it should be illegal, before they launched themselves at each other and the war resumed.

It was naturally Arthur who won. Years of football had done wonders for his strength and Merlin had ended up under him, red faced and breathless, as Arthur straddled him and asked once more,

"Do you yield, Emrys?"

"It seems, no choice but to yield, I have." Merlin said, dropping his pillow in defeat as Arthur whooped triumphantly.

Merlin crossed his arms pouting as he glared up at Arthur. "Prat."

"Don't be such a sore loser, Emrys." Arthur said shifting slightly on top of Merlin and the dark haired boy had to suppress a moan.

"Arthur," he hissed, grabbing the other man's hips. "Don't-"

But he was cut off by the door opening and Morgana of all bloody people walked in.

"Christ, Arthur, I just heard about Sophie and I-" But she stopped dead at the sight of the two boys in front of her and a slow, evil, grin graced her lips dangerously. "Well, you're obviously dealing with it well." She said in a knowing voice.

"Morgana what are you doing here?" Arthur demanded, _still not moving off Merlin._

"Well, Arthur dearest, I came to see if my poor step-brother needed comforting in his time of need." She said in a sweet voice that chilled the room several degrees. "But I can see that you are in more than capable hands." Morgana winked at Merlin and he hid his face in the crook of his arm.

"Really, Morgana," Merlin started to say since Arthur was too busy staring at Merlin in a very horrifically calculating way. "It's not what it looks like."

"Of course it isn't" She said in a placating tone that wasn't to be believed. "I'll just leave you both to it, then." Morgana smiled as she swept towards the door. "And can I just say, it's about damn time, you two."

Then she was gone and Merlin and Arthur were left staring at each other.

"Er…" Merlin said intelligently.

"She's a fucking genius." Arthur finally said. "A brilliant fucking genius."

"Erm…Arthur do you think you could-"

"It's perfect, Merlin." Arthur breathed. "Sophie won't know what hit her!"

Merlin sighed, giving up on getting Arthur to move. "What the Christ are you talking about?" He asked in a tired voice.

"This!" Arthur said flapping a hand between them. "Us! It's bloody perfect."

"Arthur what in God's name-" But Merlin was cut off by Arthur placing his hands on either side of Merlin's head and leaned down much to close.

"Merlin?" He asked softly.

"Ah…um…yes Arthur?" He asked voice rising several octaves as Arthur hips continued to shift in a very distracting manner.

"I need you to do something for me." Arthur said his tone low and scratchy.

"Er…what's that?" Merlin asked through clenched teeth.

"It's _very_ important." Arthur breathed. "And it would mean _so_ much to me, Merlin."

"What is it?" Merlin hissed.

"Go out with me." He whispered in Merlin's ear. "And we'll drive Sophie bloody crazy."

Merlin froze. "Are you fucking serious?" He demanded loudly pushing on Arthur's chest.

Arthur huffed and sat up, arms crossed. "Of course I am. Revenge must be taken, Merlin. And what better way, than for the bitch to think I left her for another man?"

"You left her because she's a cheating skank who can't keep her legs closed for anyone."

Arthur snorted. "Well, yes, there is that. But if she thinks that I going out with a bloke after dating her?" He gave a shout of laughter. "It's absolutely flawless."

"Yeah, except for the part where _we_ pretend to _date._" Merlin said.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well, first off no one will believe it." Merlin pointed out.

"'Course they will. Morgana thinks she just walked in on us about to shag. Do you think she'll keep that quiet?"

Merlin winced. Arthur had him there.

But there was no way Merlin could agree to this. It was madness. His small crush on Arthur would expand exponentially if he went through with this.

"Look, isn't there a girl you can force into this? What about Gwen I'm sure-"

"Lance would cut my balls off if I went near her. And besides, I don't want to do this with some stroppy girl. She'd get all attached and shit."

"You are so fucking full of yourself, Pendragon." Merlin snapped, trying to push Arthur him but Arthur just tightened his thighs in a vice like grip. "_Christ_, Arthur." Merlin groaned. "You really have to get the hell off-"

"Come on, Merlin." Arthur said resorting to his puppy dog stare. "Please. I'll be your best friend until the end of time!"

Merlin snorted , though his resolve wavering.

"And Sophie will hate you for even longer than that."

"Do you think?" Merlin asked.

"Oh yes." Arthur said leaning down close again. "She'll probably never speak to you for the rest of your life." He murmured in into Merlin's ear. "Never. Ever. Again."

"Oh God, I'll do it. I'll fucking do it then." Merlin said.

"Great!" Arthur said brightly, jumping off him with a knowing smirk at Merlin's incoherent state. "All right there, Merlin? Need me to help you with anything?"

Merlin hastily got off the bed before he could be tempted to take Arthur up on his offer.

"Wait…"Merlin said as Arthur fixed his sheets. "There's something you need to know first."

"What's that?" Arthur asked rearranging his pillows.

"Ah…er…I'm…"

"Well spit it out, Merlin." Arthur said turning to face his stuttering friend.

Merlin sighed, suddenly tired again. "I…I just really think this is a bad idea for _us_ to do."

"Why?" Arthur said, perplexed. "Christ, Merlin, it's not like we actually have to do anything. All though," he smirked evilly. "Judging by your reaction a few minutes ago, you shouldn't have a problem pretending to be attracted to me."

"Fuck off." Merlin muttered.

"So are you going to tell why it's such a bad idea, or what?" Arthur demanded.

"It's because…I'm…gay, Arthur."

Arthur looked non-pulsed. "And…?"

"Well…that's it…won't it…make you uncomfortable?"

"How the fuck do you figure that?" Arthur asked. "God, you're mental sometimes, Merlin. I don't give a rat's ass if you're gay or not. I knew that ages ago anyway."

"I…oh." Merlin said.

"Yes," Arthur said rolling his eyes. "Which makes our story more probable." He said, his gaze suddenly smouldering as he moved closer to Merlin. "I'm curious and attracted to you. You've had a crush on me and in one passion ridden night, we made sweet love and have been together ever since."

Merlin couldn't help but laugh and Arthur grinned. "Leave out the night of wild, crazy sex and I think we're good."

"So you're ok with this?" Arthur asked. "You'll help me get back at her?"

"As childish as this all is, yes I will." Merlin said. "But you fucking owe me, Arthur. Like, huge."

"Yes, yes, I'll do whatever you want-and get that dirty look off your face, Emrys." Arthur said, but he was smiling as he said it.

"Yes, _dear_." Merlin said with a smirk.

"See!" Arthur said. "You've fallen into your role all ready!" Arthur said, moving past him to reach him wardrobe, but not before smacking Merlin's arse and Merlin yelped in shock and glared at him. "This'll be easy." Arthur said, not doubting himself in the least.

_Famous last words._ Merlin thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. SIGHS.**

**AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I hope no one will be disappointed with this chapter. It was a lot of fun to write. Hope you all enjoy! Reviews are love!  
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"What the hell was I thinking?" Merlin asks as he paced the floor of Gwen's dorm, two days later. "What in the name of holy hell was I thinking?"

Gwen was trying in vain not to smile. "You were obviously thinking with the wrong head." She giggled out right now.

Merlin stopped and glared at her. "This is not funny, Gwen. I'm fucked." He groaned as he flopped into her computer chair. "Doomed even. I might as well start writing my will. Tell my mother that I love her when you see her at the funeral."

Gwen sighed. "I think you're being a little dramatic here, Merlin. It's not so bad."

"Not so bad?!" He cried. "Not so bad?! Gwen, I have to pretend to be Arthur's fucking boyfriend! This is Hiroshima bad. It's gonna blow in epic proportions."

Gwen snorted. "Blow, huh?" She giggled again.

"Gwen!" Merlin said. "God, you have a filthy mind. What has Lance done to you?"

"I really don't think you want to know that." Morgana answered as she breezed into the room.

"Morgana!" Gwen said, blushing.

"What? Honestly, it can't be any worse than what Arthur did to Merlin last night." She said off handedly.

Merlin groaned again and sunk further into the chair. "Why do I bother getting up in the morning?" He despaired.

Gwen threw him a sympathetic look and opened her mouth to explain to Morgana the real situation before a knock at the door interrupted her.

"Are you in there, Emrys?" Demanded Arthur's voice.

Merlin shook his head at the girls and mouthed, "No! No I'm not!"

Morgana rolled her eyes and muttered "boys" before telling Arthur to come in.

"What?! No-" Merlin began but Arthur was all ready barging in like he bloody owned the place.

"God, there you are!" Arthur said. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Booty call, Arthur?" Morgana asked.

"Piss off, you wench." Arthur snapped.

"Now, really Arthur. Is that any way to speak to a lady?" Morgana said slyly.

"Yes well, you're evil incarnate so I don't really think you count." Arthur told her before he turned to Merlin.

"You know, _darling_." He said and Merlin winced at the tone. "For being the bloke I'm currently dating you have a knack for not being around."

"For God's sake, Arthur. You don't have to bother in here. Gwen knows the truth and you might as well tell Morgana. She'll find out anyway."

Arthur sighed, exasperated and waved a hand. "Fine, Merlin. Whatever." He plopped down on Gwen's bed and threw his feet onto Merlin's lap. "Explain away."

"I…er…well you see the thing is…" He trailed off. Did Morgana really have to look at him as if she were going to bloody eat his face off?

"Yes, Merlin?" She asked innocently. "Do tell."

"Well, what you walked into last nigh wasn't what it seemed."

"Wasn't it?" She asked, cocking her head. "It certainly looked like what I thought it was."

"We…well….that is….Arthur and I aren't really together. We're just kinda…pretending?"

She arched an eyebrow unconvinced.

"Oh for Christ sake." Arthur snapped, glaring at Merlin. "I don't know if you should be a doctor, mate. I really wouldn't want you telling me if I had some sort of deadly, incurable disease."

"Why don't you explain then, Mr. Holier-than-thou." Merlin snapped, pushing Arthur's feet off him.

"Don't get you knickers in a twist." Arthur said rolling his eyes.

"Aw." Morgana said to Gwen. "It's their first fight."

"Shut up!" Merlin and Arthur said together as the girls laughed.

"Aren't you going to kiss and make-up?" Morgana teased.

Merlin went an interesting shade of red as Arthur rubbed his hands over his face.

"Morgana. We aren't actually dating. We're pretending to so we can piss off Sophie."

She was silent for a moment until;

"Are you _shitting _me?"

Arthur sighed. "No. And besides. It was your idea."

"_Excuse_ me?" She demanded. "I don't think I ever told you to fake a homosexual relationship, with an _actual_ gay man, to piss off your slutty ex-cheater of a girlfriend."

"Well, no not in those precise words, but you did give me the idea." Arthur said loftily.

"When the hell did I do that?!"

"Last night. When you walked in on me and Merlin." Arthur explained, while Gwen and Merlin watched the two as if they were witnessing a tennis match. Heads swivelling between the step siblings.

"And what exactly were you two doing last night?"

Arthur faltered and Merlin couldn't help but snicker.

"What?" Morgana pressed. "Just tell me, all ready. It can't be that bad."

"Wehadapillowfight." Arthur muttered under his breath.

"I'm sorry?" Morgana smirked. "What was that?"

"We had a bloody pillow fight!" Arthur snapped.

Morgana burst into laughter. Evil, maniacal, witchy laughter. The kind, Arthur thought, people should be burnt at the stake for.

"Oh my God, Arthur!" Morgana said in between laughing fits. "You do realize _you_ admitting to a pillow fight will damage your reputation more than telling people that you're gay?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin was wondering whether or not to feel insulted by what Morgana said.

"You two are _unbelievable." _Morgana said as Gwen nodded in agreement. "Absolutely, without a doubt, the most oblivious, idiotic _boys,_ I have ever met."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Arthur snapped.

Morgana sighed. "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you, right Gwen?"

She nodded. "It would be best if they figured this out for themselves." Gwen said wisely.

"Figure what out?" Merlin demanded.

"Well, it's not so much you that has to figure things out, but Arthur." Morgana said.

And before either boy could ask they were being kicked out the girl's room.

"Try not to make yourselves look like complete morons, okay?" Morgana asked as she and Gwen ushered them out the door. "I am sort of socially tied to you Arthur and I really don't want my reputation to get ruined by this juvenile revenge."

And with that the door was shut in their faces.

"And that," Merlin said, after a moment. "Is why I'm gay."

"What do you think all that was about?" Arthur asked as they made their way back to their room.

Merlin shrugged. "I gave up on girls a long time ago, mate." He said with a grin. "Lucky for you."

"I'd say." Arthur said, slinging an arm across Merlin's shoulders. Several girls who passed them in the corridor giggled and practically swooned.

Arthur wasn't sure how far Morgana's gossiping tongue reached, but he knew for a fact that everyone in their dorm house knew of his and Merlin's relationship. Now, if that power extended outside these walls, they'd find out tomorrow once classes resumed.

"You do realize," Arthur said as Merlin pulled out the key to their room. "That pretty much everyone in this dorm house wants to have a threesome with us."

Merlin choked as he opened the door. "How do you figure that?"

Arthur clicked on the light and winced at the sight of the horrifying interior. Everything was pink. Pink walls, pink carpets, pink comforters, pink wardrobes and even a bloody pink waste basket.

"Well, considering the fact that we're living in the all girls dorm….I'm pretty sure it's a safe bet."

Merlin looked morosely at the terror inducing fuchsia tones. "Yeah…you sure we're not allowed to paint this yet?"

And unfortunately, Arthur was very sure. It was one of the terms they had agreed to get the room in the first place…

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_It was three days before classes were scheduled to start and Arthur had been searching the co-ed dorms desperately. He kept looking down at the room number he had be given in the middle of the summer hoping and praying he had just received the wrong one because room 401, resolutely, did not exist. _

_He went up and down the same corridor multiple times reading off the numbers in his head. His fifth…(or was it sixth?) time down was when he met, Merlin Emrys._

"_396, 397, 398, 399, 400..." Arthur muttered under his breath._

"_Where the hell is 401?" He muttered, becoming more and more agitated the longer he stared at the number 400 and being unable to change it to 401._

_Cursing, Arthur had spun around and crashed into and equally annoyed Merlin who had said,_

"_Watch it! Bloody hell, walk much?."_

"_Anger management much? And at least I'm not the idiot running down the corridors." Arthur had sniped._

"_And _I'm_ not the one talking to myself." Merlin snapped back. _

_Arthur glared at him. "Piss off, yeah? I'm having a bad day."_

"_News flash, you prat. You're not the only one."_

"_You can't call me a prat!" Arthur said, outraged._

"_Watch me." Merlin said smugly. "Now if you'll excuse me, Your Highness. I have a housing attendant to track down and kill." _

_Then he was gone and Arthur was alone again, wondering if he didn't imagine the entire encounter. _

_An hour later found Arthur in front of the Housing Department Manager Mr. Coldswell. _

"_Yes, well, there has obviously been a bit of a mix up." The small man said adjusting his coke bottle glasses._

"_Obviously." Arthur said dryly. "So what are you going to do about it?"_

_Mr. Coldswell puffed himself up, not that it did anything, and was about to tell Arthur off when his receptionist opened the door. _

"_Ah…sir? We've found the other young man. The one who is roomed with Mr. Pendragon?"_

"_Oh yes, good, very good. Bring him in."_

_The receptionist nodded and indicated to someone on the other side of the door. "In you go, Mr. Emrys. Arthur Pendragon this is Merlin Emrys." The woman introduced._

_The dark haired boy entered the room and locked eyes with Arthur. _

"_Well, fuck me." Merlin had said. _

_It tuned out to be a huge mix up. Somehow Arthur and Merlin had been assigned a room that was in fact not in the co-ed house but in the all bloody girls dorm house. And unfortunately, there were no other rooms available anywhere. Room 401 in the all girls dorm house was the only place that was empty. _

_Mr. Coldswell, had made them sign an agreement with a few terms, in which he would graciously allow the boys to live there. Painting the room was despicably one of them as was not fraternizing with the girls inappropriately. _

"_I'll put you both on a three month probation and if after that there are not….incidents. I suppose I could allow you to…adjust the room." Mr. Coldswell said with a distinct touch of malice._

"_Why would we need to adjust the room?" Arthur asked as he and Merlin stood in front of room 401 at last. _

_Merlin shrugged, the earlier animosity forgotten in face of the battle against Coldswell. _

"_He's a bit of a bastard." Merlin offered. "He seemed to find a lot of unhealthy satisfaction in it though." He said, unlocking the door._

_It opened with an foreboding creak and the boys had peeked in cautiously._

"_Oh. My. God." Merlin said echoing the statement in Arthur's mind._

"_It looks like a fucking Disney princess blew up in here." Arthur said, horrified as he and Merlin stepped in. _

"_It…it's only for three months right?" Merlin said weakly. "Can you manage to keep your hands off the girls for that long?"_

"_I beg your pardon?" Arthur demanded. "I have a girlfriend thank-you very much."_

_Merlin snorted as if he thought that, that fact wouldn't stop Arthur. _

"_Piss off, Emrys." Arthur muttered as he threw one of his bags on a pink bed._

_Merlin sighed. "Look I'm sorry, yeah? If we intend to survive this revolting room, we probably shouldn't be ragging on each other. Wanna start over?" He asked holding out a hand. "I'm Merlin Emrys. Welcome to the pink bowls of hell."_

_Arthur couldn't help but laugh as he shook the odd man's hand. "You are a total girl, Merlin."_

_And so begun a…very strange and peculiar friendship._

_

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"You know we still have one more month of this." Arthur told him, bringing myself out of his memories.

Merlin sighed and fell dramatically to his bed. "I know. I think I may gouge out my eyes before it's all over though. I'm surprised I haven't done it yet."

"Such a drama queen." Arthur said in a fond voice. "At least it's good for entertainment." He said sitting on the edge of Merlin's bed.

"Shut up." Merlin said without much heat.

They were silent for a moment.

"D'you think, Sophie knows yet?' Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged. "Dunno. Have you felt a disturbance in the Force?"

Arthur laughed. "Always the nerd, Merlin."

The other boy didn't seem to mind that fact. "Yeah, but I'm your nerd for the time being, so when Sophie tries to castrate me, you have to protect me."

Arthur snorted. "She'll come after me, not you."

"Bull shit." Merlin said. "She absolutely _loathes_ me. Now she has an excuse to kill me. Seeing as I stole her precious boy toy away."

Arthur was about to respond when his mobile rang. He looked at the caller idea and paled.

"Queen Bitch?" Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded.

"Good luck and I'll reiterate. _This_ is why I'm gay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: You know, this is going to start depressing me after a while. I don't own any of this...le sigh.**

**AN: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I'm so glad you're enjoying this insane story. Honestly, I don't know where I get my ideas, my mind isn't a very safe place apparently. It's all this shows fault too. Damn boy love! (But not really cause I love it :D) Okay, enough crazy talk. On with the boys! Reviews are love!  
**

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Arthur couldn't answer his mobile.

"You have to face her _sometime_ you know." Merlin told him as they got ready for bed.

"I know that." He snapped.

"Plus, I thought you wanted to see her furious. Need I remind you that this was your idea."

"You really need to stop talking Merlin, or I won't be held responsible for my actions."

"I'm beginning to think I'm in an abusive relationship here, Arthur." Merlin teased.

Arthur threw him a look full of painful promises and Merlin wisely up his trap.

"She'll be in the cafeteria tomorrow morning." Arthur said. "We'll see her then."

"Oh I can't wait for that." Merlin muttered. "Do you think she'll murder me there or in some deserted dark alley?"

Arthur snorted as he got into his bed. "Be a man for once would you? Sophie is even skinnier than you are. You _might_ be able to take her." He said with a grin as he propped himself up on his elbow.

Merlin glared at him as he mirrored Arthur's position in his bed.

"Seriously, Arthur," He said. "She is one scary woman. How did you ever snog her without screaming and running in the other direction?"

Arthur laughed at this. "Well, you'd run away because breasts terrify you."

"No," Merlin said chuckling. "I'd run away because so much botox has been absorbed into her lips that I'd be afraid I'd be sucked in too."

Arthur looked slightly perturbed. "Sophie gets botox injections?"

'Well, obviously." Merlin said. "Her nose is also fake and don't even try to tell me her breasts are real."

Arthur was plain disgusted now. "_You_ don't have anything like that done, do you?"

"What fake boobs?"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Fake anything, you moron."

"Nope." Merlin said. "I'm all real and all for you, baby." He said with a wink.

"Oh my God, shut up." Arthur said as he chucked a pillow in Merlin's direction.

Merlin laughed as he caught the projectile. "I know you love the dirty talk." He said, whiffing the pillow back at Arthur.

"You're such a man whore, Emrys." Arthur grinned before hurtling the pink encased weapon back again.

"You have a thing for pillow fights, don't you?" Merlin said after he shoved Arthur's pillow under his head.

"Do not. Now give that back." Arthur demanded.

"You'll just throw it at me again." Merlin said. "So I think I'll just keep it over here. Besides," he added, snuggling deeper into it's softness. "It's nicer than mine. Squishier."

"As a potential English minor I must point out that squishier is not a word."

"It is so!" Merlin argued.

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

"Is not!"

"Fine, I'll prove it to you." Merlin said grabbing his laptop from under his bed. He brought up Firefox and went on and typed 'Squishier' into the search bar. "Ha! You see! There it is."

Arthur groaned as he pushed himself out of bed to look at the computer screen. "Son of bitch." Arthur muttered. "I hate you, you know that?"

Merlin grinned smugly. "Nah, you adore me." He said shutting his laptop and shoving it back under his bed.

"Is that so?" Arthur asked, crossing his arms and staring down at his friend.

"Oh yes, it's scientifically proven." Merlin said, lying back, arms cushioned under his head.

Arthur snorted as he eyed his pillow with a pathetic look on his face.

"Oh for God's sake." Merlin said, throwing it at him. "I can't even look at you when you do that."

Arthur smiled at him. "Cheers, Merlin." He said before he shut off the lights and crawled back into bed.

A few minutes passed in silence before,

"We should have pet names for each other." Arthur said suddenly.

"What? Are you serious?" Merlin asked, sleepily.

"'Course I am." Arthur said. "Everyone has pet names in relationships."

"What kind of mentally deficient people have you dated?"

"Shut up." Arthur muttered. "Really though…we should."

Merlin sighed. "Fine…" He snickered. "How about squishy sex muffin?"

"If you call me that ever again I can assure you that the results will be painful and messy." Arthur threaten and Merlin laughed.

"Okay, okay." Merlin said between fits. "Squishy sex muffin is out. What about….Sugardick?"

Arthur couldn't help laughing at that one. "You have a terrifying mind, you know that?"

Merlin shrugged. "It's both a gift and a curse, Snuggle Bear."

Arthur groaned. "I should have known you'd do this."

"Do what, Sweet Cheeks?"

"Okay, that's enough!" Arthur said trying not to laugh. "Those are awful. I'd rather be celibate than be called 'Sweet Cheeks.'"

"Fine, fine, _your_ _highness_. What would you recommend?"

"Wait what did you just call me?"

"Your highness?" Merlin asked. "I've called you that since I met you. It;s because you act like a pratly prince all the time. And, no!" Merlin added sensing the look on Arthur's face. "I'm not going to call you that as an endearment. It's meant as an insult."

"Oh come, Merlin, it's perfect! I mean really, 'Merlin and Arthur?' Like from those legends? It's meant to be, Warlock."

Merlin winced. "Um…Arthur I really don't think I want to be called 'Warlock.'

Arthur sighed. "Whatever, then. We can talk about it in the morning. I'm too tired to argue with you."

Merlin nodded. "Okay…good night, Arthur."

"G'night." Came Arthur muffled voice.

Merlin lay awake for a while debating whether or not to tell Arthur the reason he didn't want 'Warlock' to be his nickname….

* * *

The morning came all too quickly and before Merlin knew it Arthur was shaking him and telling him to get his skinny arse out of bed.

"Mershpul." Was all Merlin could manage to say.

"God, you are such a crank in the morning." Arthur said, stripping Merlin's blankets off his bed.

"Arthur!" Merlin groaned. "Leave me alone. I don't have a class until ten you stupid pillock."

"Yes, but Sophie will be in the cafeteria now. I want to see if she knows yet and I want you to be there to see her reaction."

"Ugg, _fine_." Merlin said forcing himself to sit up. "But I hate you for this." He informed Arthur as the blond man threw some clothes at him.

"Yes, yes hate me all you want in here, but once we step out those doors, you're hopelessly in love with me." Arthur said as Merlin stumbled into his jeans.

"Whatever you say, Sweet Cheeks."

Arthur glared at him as he grabbed his business book. "If you even think about calling me that." He snapped.

"Aw, don't worry, baby." Merlin grinned pinching Arthur's cheek. "I'll save that name for the bedroom."

"I'm going to kill you." Arthur told him as they left the bright pink interior behind.

"Now, now, Arthur, dear. We're supposed to be in love, remember?" Merlin whispered into his ear.

"Such a bastard." Arthur muttered, but he grabbed Merlin's hand anyway and tugged him along, girls parting for them like the bloody red sea.

They arrived in the Student Centre which housed the cafeteria with no incidents. Sure, people did a double take when they saw them hand in hand but no one seemed to find it earth shattering.

The boys were standing in line for breakfast when the air around them went cold and evil entered the room.

"Oh shit." Merlin said. "She's here. My life is flashing before my eyes."

"Calm down, Drama Queen." Arthur hissed, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Look, I won't let her actually hurt you, yeah? What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you get beaten up by a girl?" He smirked.

"Piss off." Merlin snapped as Sophie caught sight of them and she and her followers made a bee line for them.

Merlin closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. But after a moment of Arthur hissing at him to open his bloody eyes, Merlin did so and saw that Sophie and her friends were only standing in line getting cereal.

"Oh…"Merlin said. "This is going better than I thought."

"I don't like it." Arthur muttered. "Sophie never eats cereal. I don't think she's touched it since she was eight. This could be bad."

"Let's just pretend we don't see them." Merlin said as their line inched forward. "Maybe they'll leave us alone."

Arthur snorted. "Yeah, right." But faced away from the girls all the same.

They were almost out of the line up when it happened.

At first Merlin thought he was imaging it, but he thought he could feel something small hitting him on the back of his head. He reached back to rub a hand through his hair when he heard the giggling and before he could say 'Oh shit, we're fucked,' something cold and wet was being dumped over his and Arthur's heads.

"What the hell?!" Arthur shouted as milk and Fruit Loops poured down his face.

Sophie cackled evilly as she plopped her bowl down on Merlin's stunned head. "You've just been crowned Fairy King." She spat at him.

"Jesus Christ, Sophie." Arthur said angrily, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes. "What the hell is your problem?"

"As if you don't know, you dickless bastard." Sophie snapped. "How could you? How could you even _think_ about dating this loser? I can't have _my_ ex parading around with some gay reject, what will people think?"

"Don't call him that!" Arthur snapped, suddenly very furious.

"Oh _please_, Arthur-" Sophie started to say.

"And, maybe you should have thought of this before you shagged Valiant for three god damn months!"

"You really were quite stupid, you know." Merlin added, coming out of his shock and finding the situation rather hilarious.

"Shut up, Fairy King!" Sophie yelled.

"Whatever you say, Queen Bitch." Merlin said as Arthur snorted.

"Honestly, Soph. If this is the best way you could think of getting back at me, you're even more dim than I thought."

"Must be the botox." Merlin said. "Seeped into your brain, it did. You poor thing." He told her before turning to Arthur and plucking a blue fruit loop off his cheek. "Mmm." He said popping it into his mouth. "I forgot how much I love these things."

Arthur laughed before picking a red one out of Merlin's hair. "Delicious." He murmured looking right into Merlin's eyes with a filthy smirk.

Sophie watched the entire exchange, wide eyed and mouth hanging open before she stomped her foot.

"You two are disgusting!" She then turned on her heel with a huff and stormed out of the cafeteria.

But Arthur and Merlin were too busy laughing to notice.

Once they had gotten over their hysteria and the cafeteria had calmed down, the boys took a seat next to Lance who was waiting for Gwen and Morgana to arrive.

"Well that was entertaining." Lance told them as they sat, still dripping with milk and cereal.

Merlin grinned as he shook his head, dispelling the rest of the Fruit Loops. "I thought so."

"Watch it!" Arthur said and the brightly coloured circles landed everywhere.

"Sorry." Merlin said, somewhat sincerely as they all tucked into their breakfast.

"Should I even bother asking?" A voice said from above.

The three males looked up to see Morgana and Gwen peering down at them questioningly.

"Fruit Loop war." Arthur told them as the girls sat.

"Right." Morgana said. "I don't want to know."

"There was no war." Merlin said. "It was Sophie. She and her friends dumped their Fruit Loops on us."

'What?!" Gwen and Morgana said aghast.

"That bitch!" Morgana said, heatedly. "Oh, just wait till I get my hands on her, I'll-"

Merlin laughed. "It's okay, Morgana. Arthur and I took care of her." He told her. Morgana might like to tease and annoy them mercilessly, but she was loyal and obviously cared fiercely for the boys.

Morgana tutted. "Still, she better watch herself."

"And you two are okay?" Gwen asked. "She wasn't too terrible was she?"

Merlin shrugged. "She made me King of the Fairies." He said as Arthur snorted into his orange juice.

"Oh, Merlin." Gwen said voice full of sympathy. She remembered just as well as Merlin did all the hurtful teasing he had received over the years.

"It's fine." Merlin said. "Seriously. I thought it was pretty funny myself."

Gwen gave him a watery smile before she nodded.

"Well, I better get to class." Arthur announced as he finished his breakfast.

"Shouldn't you change first?" Merlin asked.

"Nah, I'll live."

"No, you'll stink. And I have that stupid mandatory English class with you after lunch, so I don't want to smell curdled milk for an hour."

"God, you're pissy." Arthur complained.

"I'm sanitary, thank you very much." Merlin said.

"Pissy." Arthur said, getting up and waving goodbye to the rest of the table.

"Sanitary!" Merlin said in a sing song voice as he followed Arthur.

"Such a girl." Arthur said, casually slipping an arm around his shoulders. "But, fine. We'll change. Happy?"

"Moderately." Merlin said smugly.

There was silence between the three friends left sitting at the table before Morgana said:

"They are _so_ married."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: None of these adorable characters are mine. Excuse me while I go sob my heart out! **

**AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I love hearing from all of you. Sorry I was a bit longer with this chapter. I hope it was worth the wait. Reviews are love!  
**

* * *

Merlin was half way through his mind numbing BioChem class when he received a text from Arthur.

**There is a white bloke with dreadlocks setting up a telly in our room. WTF? And should I call 999?**

He stared at the words disbelievingly and then cursed when he realized he missed an important note on cell metabolism. Hastily, Merlin scribbled down the notes from the girl next to him and was about to text Arthur back when another message came through.

**Now he's offering me a joint and talking about black rights. A little help, Emrys.**

Not two seconds after Arthur's second text one more came and Merlin groaned as he read it.

_**Merlin my brotha! It's Will, man! Ur BF is fcking HOT! I think he's scared of me tho. Lookin at me like im mental.**_

"Shit." Merlin muttered. He'd have to get the notes later. This was an emergency. "Er…excuse me…" He mumbled to the people in his row as he stumbled his was out.

Merlin texted Arthur not to worry and that he was on the way before he sent a message to Will to not give Arthur drugs and to stop scaring strangers.

He's half way through his dash across campus when he runs into Lance and Gwen on their way to class.

"All right, Merlin?" Lance asked as Merlin huffed and panted, trying to catch his breath.

"Fine." Merlin gasped. "Just gotta save Arthur from The Renny."

Gwen blanched. "Oh God. What is he this week?" She asked as Lance looked confusedly between them.

"He thinks he black." Merlin groaned. "I'm sorry, Gwen. It was only a matter of time before he did it."

Gwen merely laughed. "Oh, it's okay Merlin. He doesn't really mean anything by it. Besides this time next week he'll probably think he's Japanese."

"God help us." Merlin said. "Gotta go now. Fuck knows what he's going to say to Arthur."

"Who is this guy?" Lance asked. "A friend from back home?"

"Gwen'll explain." Merlin called as he ran off. "But only if you want nightmares for the next two weeks!"

After five more minutes of near death crashes and a bunch of pissed off people, Merlin was opening the door to his dorm room and was hit with an overpowering wave of smoke.

"Will!" He coughed. "What the hell?! You can't bloody smoke in here!" Merlin wheezed as he slammed the door shut.

"Try telling him that." Arthur said, dryly with one of Merlin's medical masks over his face.

"Merlin!" Will cried as he tackled his friend. "How the hell are ya, brotha?"

"Will, for God's sake!" Merlin said, trying to escape Will's death grip. "What are you even doing here?"

"Can't a bloke come visit his mate at school?" He asked, throwing a dreadlock behind his shoulder.

"How the fuck did you get dreadlocks so fast?" Merlin asked.

"Remember Cassie Adams from down the road? She's workin in a hair studio now. She gave me these extension things and I made them into dreadlocks. Righteous, eh?"

"Oh my God." Merlin moaned as he grabbed the joint out of Will's limp grip. "You've seriously lost it this time." He told his stoned friend as he chucked it into a cup of dirty water that housed his paint brushes.

"This time?" Arthur asked, removing the mask and mussing up his hair in the process. "You mean he's done this before?"

"Will's been going though and identity crisis since he was 13. He re-images himself about every two weeks. I don't even remember what he actually looks like."

Arthur's eyebrows rose and they watched as Will went back to fiddling with the telly he brought with him.

"Is there any reason for it? Or is he just insane?" Arthur asked.

"Er…well…his dad died when he was 13. We think that's what started it."

Arthur nodded and looked sympathetic when Will cursed as he shocked himself on some wires.

Merlin sighed and went to dig out his First Aid kit. "So, what's with the T.V, then?" Merlin asked Will as he chucked the boy some Solarcaine for the burn.

"Gotta job as an installer. We gotta surplus of tellies and my boss gave me a couple cheap. Figured you'd want one. Brought your Wii, too. I know you'd be jonesin for it."

Merlin smiled at his friend. "Thanks, mate. I appreciate it."

"Figures you're a video game addict." Arthur said with a smirk.

"Oh don't worry." Merlin said, threading their fingers together. "I'll have you the same way in no time."

Arthur snorted. "You can try."

"Oh I will." Merlin said, voice full of confidence.

"Ah, young love." Will said with a hand over his heart. "_Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar but never doubt thy _

_love."_

Merlin and Arthur both turned their heads to look at Will.

"Shakespeare, Will?" Merlin asked. "Really?"

Will shrugged. "He was God last week. Besides, white girls dig that shit."

"Oh my God." Merlin groaned as he hid his face in Arthur shoulder.

He felt Arthur chuckle as his hand ruffled Merlin's hair.

"Chill, Merlin." Will said, happily. "Soon, you'll be kickin your boyfriend's sweet ass at Mario Cart. Now his arse will be sore for a different reason." He cackled at his horrible crack.

Arthur looked mildly confused for a moment until the joke dawn on him.

"You're a filthy minded bastard, aren't you?" Arthur asked as Merlin cursed Will's existence. "I wondered where Merlin learned it all from."

"Oi, I'm not as bad as he is." Merlin argued.

"No one is as bad as I am." Will said smugly.

"Thank God for that. One dirty minded Renny is enough." Merlin said.

"Renny?" Arthur asked.

"Short for Renaissance Man. His nickname." Merlin explained.

"Which I hate, by the way." Will reminded him as he began to hook Merlin's Wii to the T.V.

"I know." Merlin said with a grin as Will stood dusting his hands off.

"Careful, Magic Man, or else I'll unhook your precious Wii and throw it out the window."

"Magic Man?" Arthur asked, clearly intrigued.

"Don't ask." Merlin said as he glared at Will. "And you shut up. I told you never to call me that."

"Fine, fine, don't get all in my face, man." Will told him waving a hand. "I was only kiddin." He said as he looked around the room.

Will's face became curious, then confused, then slowly disgusted before he blurted out;

"Jesus Christ, what the _fuck _is with your room?"

* * *

Will decided that he wanted to stay and play the Wii. (And smoke a bit more)

"For God's sake!" Arthur snapped during the fifth round of Mario Kart. "How much of that shit are you going to smoke? I can barely breath over here."

"You're just pissed cause you keep losing." Will told him. "You're man is a little bit up tight, you know that?" He asked, turning to face Merlin who was passing Arthur another one of his medical masks.

"Shut up, Will." Merlin said. "Learn to play nice with the other children."

"Whatever, Dad." Will replied with a long drag on his joint.

"You bastard!" Arthur yelled at Will. "Stop cheating!"

"You can't cheat at this game, brotha."

"You keep grabbing my steering wheel and forcing me off the track and blowing smoke in my face!" Arthur snapped as Merlin his best not to laugh at his frustration.

"Sore loser." Will muttered as he passed his wheel to Merlin after he won his sixth game. "I need sleep." He told them before he collapsed on Merlin's bed and began to snore immediately.

"And _you _said _I_ needed to know better people." Arthur snarked. "He's beyond the realm of weird, Merlin."

"Oh, Will's all right." Merlin defended. "Just a little different is all."

Arthur snorted as he chose Donkey Kong as his rider.

"Figures, you'd pick the ape." Merlin teased.

"Says the man who picks the princess." Arthur shot back.

Merlin grinned. "You know I'm gonna kick your arse, right?" He asked picking the track.

"Wanna make a bet on that?" Arthur challenged.

"Oh Arthur if I did that I'd be like taking candy from a very stupid, spoiled baby."

"Oi!' Arthur said laughing. "Be nice to your boyfriend, I'm the one who decides whether or not you get any tonight…or ever."

"You're not getting any tonight." Will's voice said blearily from the bed. "I don't want to hear my ex shaggin another bloke thanks."

Merlin snorted. "As if you have any say in what goes on in my love life, you berk. Go back to sleep before I kick you out."

"Craaanky." Will mumbled before conking out again.

Arthur had a strange…almost pained look on his face. "You and Will…" He trailed off.

"Don't worry." Merlin said shortly. "It's over."

Sensing Merlin didn't want to talk about it Arthur said,

"The bet, then?"

Merlin grinned, dark mood forgotten. "Loser is the winner's slave for a week."

"Kinky." Arthur said with a smirk. "I'll take that bet."

15 minutes, and seven straight victories for Merlin, later Merlin is doing a victory dance and Arthur's glaring at him, extremely put out.

"I warned you!" Merlin sang, laughingly.

"You're a bastard, Emrys." Arthur told him. "A complete and total bastard."

"Ah ah. That's Master Emrys to you, slave."

"Piss off!" Arthur said, though his laughter ruined the effect of the words.

Merlin grinned as he plopped down next to Arthur on the floor.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle." He said before he broke off into laughter again.

"Oh my God." Arthur said. "Are you on a contact high?"

"I think I might be." Merlin said, off-handedly. "No big deal. The first time Will and I tried it I couldn't walk straight for six hours."

Arthur laughed and pulled Merlin into a headlock. "That's not surprising."

"Oi!" Merlin said, wiggling out of Arthur grip. "Abusive prat."

"Oh you know you like it." Arthur retorted.

"Hey, I have an idea." Merlin said suddenly.

"Alert national security." Arthur muttered.

"It's not anything illegal." Merlin said, glaring before an adorable smirk graced his lips and for some reason Arthur felt his breath catch in his throat.

"Let's paint Will's face." Merlin said, in a voice of an evil overlord.

Arthur grinned, widely. "Yes, Master. Whatever you say."

* * *

An hour later, in which three paint wars erupted, Merlin and Arthur painted each other almost more than they had Will, their masterpiece was finished.

"Now, that is art." Arthur said proudly, looking down at their collage.

"At least when I call him dickhead, it'll be closer to the truth." Merlin said, gazing at the penis he had drawn on Will's cheek with pink paint.

Arthur grinned. "You certainly drew it well."

"I'm an expert on them." Merlin proclaimed, eyes moving to the rainbow he and Arthur both work on. It started at one ear and ran over his face all the way to the other.

"I just bet you are." Arthur said, touching up the stars and hearts that were scattered across Will's forehead.

Merlin put another coat of neon green onto Will's eyebrows before adding another layer of purple to his nose.

The boys both stood back and admired their work before Merlin said, barely containing his mirth,

"We should have painted him black!"

They fell back onto Arthur bed trying to stifle their laughter in the sheets.

"I think you're a little high, too." Merlin remarked.

"You're probably right." Arthur said, sounding unconcerned.

"Have you ever done it before?" Merlin asked.

"Nope. Looks like I'm having a lot of firsts with you." Arthur said lightly. "You're a terrible influence on me."

Merlin snorted. "Well, it looks like I'm going to be the first bloke you'll be sleeping with as well. I refuse to share a bed with Will again. He kicks and punches. I had bruises for weeks."

"I could make you sleep on the floor, you know." Arthur remarked.

"Yeah, and how would that look in the morning, to Will?" Merlin asked. "If you want everyone to keep thinking we're together that maroon can't know we're pretending. Half of the United Kingdom would find out by this time tomorrow."

"Big mouth on him, then?" Arthur asked,

"That's putting it mildly." Merlin muttered. "Don't worry. I'm not going to molest you." He said with a grin.

"Fine." Arthur said, with an air of suffering. "But if you try to cuddle me I'm kicking you off the bed."

Merlin laughed. "You're such a prat." He told him, getting up and grabbing some sweat pants and a raggy white shirt. "I'm gonna grab a shower, before we crash."

"Gonna think of me while you're in there?" Arthur asked, slyly.

"Every minute." Merlin said, rolling his eyes.

When Merlin returned 10 minutes later Arthur was all ready under the covers and apparently asleep.

Merlin slipped as quietly as he could under the sheets and made sure he was far away from Arthur as he could be.

He was dozing when Arthur said,

"Did you use my shampoo?"

Merlin turned over so he and Arthur were facing each other, laying on their sides.

"Maybe. I used all mine up last night and you never hide yours."

"A mistake I'll never make again." Arthur said, yawning widely, before taking another sniff. "Looks like I'll be hiding my soap too."

Merlin grinned at him. "Good night, Sweet Cheeks."

Arthur glared at him. "I swear to God, Merlin…" He threatened.

Merlin merely laughed into his pillow. "Oh, right you prefer Squishy Sex Muffin. I forgot."

Arthur sighed, exasperated. "Idiot."

"Prat." Merlin shot back, fondly.

"So, what's the story between you and Reefer Man?" Arthur asked after and moments silence.

Merlin's good humour diminished slightly. "It's nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing. You got pretty pissed when he mentioned that you were his ex."

"Yeah…we went out for a bit when I first told him I was gay."

"So he was out before you?"

Merlin shook his head. "No. I came out to him first when I was 15. He was in the middle of a hippie faze so I thought it would be a good time." He explained. "A week later he decided he was gay too.'

"But…was it just another two week thing?"

"We dated for almost six months before he decided he was done being gay and moved on to chasing after every girl on the swim team."

Arthur winced. "Ouch. That must have hurt."

Merlin shrugged. "I guess. I mean…I should have expected it. But he was going on six months, you know? I thought, stupidly, that he was being serious about it. That is wasn't just some fake persona he had taken on."

"You weren't stupid, Merlin. He was."

"Maybe. And…he never really understood the reason I was so mad at him. Why I still get angry when he brings it up."

"Why do you?" Arthur asked, softly.

Merlin sighed. "I'm gay. I always have been and I always will be. I can't just decide to turn it off like Will could. He never got that. I doubt he ever will."

"Have you ever told him that?"

"Many times." Merlin said. "He's admitted to being bi, so he sometimes tries to re-start things between us. We fight about it a lot."

"Lucky for you, you have me now, right?" Arthur asked with a smirk.

Merlin laughed. "I thank the stars everyday, Arthur."

"You're…" Arthur trailed off, uncertain before he continued. "You're not angry with me, are you?"

"Where the hell did you get that idea?" Merlin asked.

"Well with this whole thing we're doing. I'm pretending to be gay, yeah? Now, I'm wondering if you're pissed at me for making you do this….Look you know what? Don't answer that." Arthur rambled before Merlin could speak. "You must be. We should stop. I don't want you to end up hating me over something so stup-"

"Arthur!" Merlin said putting a hand on the blonde man's mouth to shut him up. "Enough, okay? I'm not pissed at you. Will played me. You're not doing that at all. I know where you really stand, yeah? So, calm down. And I could never hate you. You entertain me far too much for that."

"Oh." Arthur said. "Well, all right then."

"Yes, you giant pansy. Honestly. I thought I was the gay one here."

Arthur laughed and pushed an hand into Merlin's hair to shake him a bit.

"I hate you sometimes, Emrys. You're such a-"

"Bastard. I know." Merlin finished.

"As long as you do." Arthur said, rubbing Merlin's head affectionately.

"So can we sleep now, or do you want more of my life story?' Merlin asked, unconsciously leaning into Arthur's hand.

"God forbid I deprive you of your beauty sleep." Arthur said dryly, removing his fingers from Merlin's hair.

The other boy laughed. "Good night, Arthur."

"Night." He grunted turning around to face away from Merlin.

* * *

It turns out, Merlin discovers at three in the morning, that Arthur is the snuggler in the relationship. He awoke spooned against Arthur's front with the other man's arm wrapped around his waist, holding him close. His nose was buried in the back of Merlin's neck and tickled his hair every time Arthur breathed out.

All though Merlin had never felt more content and warm before, he knew Arthur would shit a brick if he woke up to find them like this, so he tried to shift out of his grip. Unfortunately, every time Merlin tried to reposition himself, Arthur would mumbled in his sleep and pull him back, managing to sound like the arrogant prat he was even in sleep.

"All right, then." Merlin said out loud. "Have it your way, Your Highness." He told him giving up.

_It'll be fine_. Merlin said to himself as he was lulled into sleep by Arthur's comfortable warmth.

He fell into his dreams with the slightly disconcerting thought that this was probably never going to happen again…


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry about taking ages with this lol. Writer's block and all that jazz. But the good news is: SEASON 2 OF MERLIN STARTS THIS SATURDAY!!!** **(Flails like a crazy fangirl!) As you can tell I'm very excited about it! I can't wait! Anyway, thank you to all you lovely and wonderful reviewers! I adore hearing from you all! Hope you enjoy! Cheers!**

**Disclaimer: Oh right...yeah...I don't own it. If I did I'd have to put the show in a later time slot. (Grins evilly)  
**

* * *

The first words to grace Merlin's ears in the morning are,

"Oh, bloody hell. It feels like I just shat an elephant."

He cracked his eyes open and groaned as he realized that Will, rubbing his arse looking pained, was still there and last night hadn't been some bizarre dream.

"You two look disgustingly good together." Will said when he noticed that Merlin was awake.

"That's nice." Merlin mumbled into his pillow as he heard Will snort.

"I can't feel my face. How much did I smoke last night?"

Merlin's eyes shot open as all of the memories of what took place came flooding back.

"Oh my God." Merlin said, sitting half way up with Arthur's arm slung across his stomach. "Have you looked in the mirror yet, today?"

"What the hell are you talking about, bro?" Will demanded scratching at his…almost bald head.

"What in Gods name have you done to your hair? What happened to the dreadlocks?"

"I'm so over that shit, dude." Will explained.

"Of course you are." Merlin said dryly, as Arthur mumbled in irritation and tried to burrow into Merlin's hip. "Wake up, sleeping beauty." Merlin said, shaking Arthur's shoulder.

He opened a bleary eye at Merlin and muttered, "S'too early."

"It's almost noon, Arthur." He told him and then the full force of that thought hit him. "Which means we've missed our morning classes."

Arthur shrugged. "Who cares? You didn't have anything important and you know I have my proffs wrapped around my finger." He said with a sigh as he began the arduous task of waking up.

"God you two are sickening." Will groaned.

"Are you still here?" Arthur demanded, sitting up and resting his chin on Merlin's shoulder. (Merlin thought that Arthur was getting far too good at their charade.)

"Sure am." Will said with a grin.

"What the hell happened to you?" Arthur asked taking in Will's new look. "And why in God's name are you wearing my clothes?!"

"I'm going for an American douche bag look." Will told him. "You've got the whole douche thing going on and you're clothes are nicer than Merlin's."

"Aren't you kind." Arthur snapped.

Will scoffed. "I'll send them back, if that's what you're on about."

"No thanks. I might catch whatever disease you undoubtedly have."

Will opened his mouth to retaliate but Merlin interrupted him. "All right, children enough." He said, glaring at them. "Play nice, for my sake, please."

"Fine, fine." Arthur agreed as Will nodded.

"Thank you." Merlin said. "I think we should all get along, swimmingly now." He said, hopefully.

Then Arthur finally registered the collage that was Will's face and proceeded to howl with laughter.

After about ten minutes of enduring Arthur's numerous fits of hysteria whenever his eyes rested on his face, Will left the room to go to the bathroom and take a proper look in the mirror.

Arthur was wiping tears of mirth from his eyes and still chortling when his mobile rang.

"Can you get that?" Arthur managed to say. "I'm not capable of thought processes at the moment."

Rolling his eyes, Merlin sat on the edge of Arthur's bed and grabbed the prat's phone from his desk.

"Hello?" He said, not bothering to check the caller ID. "This is Pendragon's House of Penetration, Ben Dover speaking, how may we bugger you today?"

He heard Arthur snort from behind him and Merlin was about to say another witty line when his heart stopped and the world apparently ended.

"Who the hell is this? Arthur? Is that you? Are you drunk? Why aren't you in class?"

Merlin dropped the phone as if it could kill him, which was probably possible when it was Uther Pendragon you were talking to there was usually the fear of instant death and Merlin always thought Uther and an army of everything, just waiting to kill someone.

"Oh buggering fuck." Merlin cursed. He tried to scramble off the bed to pick up the mobile, but got tangled in the sheets, which naturally led to he and Arthur crashing to the floor, both of them cursing and flailing.

"Merlin!" Arthur said in a pained voice, as Merlin's limbs floundered underneath him. "That is a very sensitive area your knee is becoming acquainted with, now stop squirming so I can get off-"

Merlin clapped his hand over Arthur mouth and hastily grabbed Arthur's mobile off the floor where words like, 'insane…what were you thinking….sex….girls…castration….not listening…come down there myself.' and other such threats and promises of disowning and murder, where tumbling out of the ear piece. "Your father is on the phone!" He hissed.

Arthur's eyes widened in panic as he took the phone, cleared his throat and said.

"Hello, Father." He said in a very calm and neutral tone. "How are you, today?"

Merlin couldn't help but snort and Arthur half kneed him in the groin to shut him up.

"Ouch! You prat that-" This time Arthur covered Merlin's mouth with a hand and practically used Merlin's face to keep himself balance.

"Oh no, that was nothing Father. Just an idiot." He said with a glare at Merlin. "How did you know I wasn't in class?….Oh, right. You know Professor Atridge…Why wasn't I there? I wasn't feeling good. Didn't want to take any chances, what with the Swine Flu and all."

Merlin rolled his eyes, then sick of Arthur's hand crushing his face, licked the other boy's palm, with a wicked look in his eyes.

"Ugh! That's disgusting!" Arthur snapped, wiping his hand on Merlin's shirt. "What? No, not you, Father." Arthur said hastily as Merlin tried not to laugh. "Actually, this isn't a really good time to talk. Can I call you later?…Yes, yes I promise I won't forg-You want to talk about Sophie?" Arthur asked suddenly. "Why?….She-she _called_ you?" Arthur closed his eyes in a pained grimace and his forehead hit Merlin's chest as his head sunk in defeat. "Right, we'll talk later. Of course. Have a good day, Father…yes I look forward to our little discussion as well. Good bye." And with that he shut his phone off with a groan and proceeded to use every curse word in the book (some new ones too) is vent his horror.

"Er…" Merlin said his hand coming to rest on the back of Arthur's head. "You okay?"

"I am going to kill you." Arthur said into Merlin's shirt. "Slowly and painfully."

"You threaten me with murder and even worse things everyday, Arthur. You can't think I'm afraid of them anymore."

When Arthur didn't say anything Merlin went on, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! I didn't check the caller ID! I was an idiot!" He groaned. "God, I can't believe I said that to your father. Ben Dover…what was I thinking?"

Arthur was now shaking and Merlin thought for one horrified minute that he was _crying_.

He patted the back of Arthur's head, resolutely not thinking about the softness of the prat's hair. "It'll be all right. I'm sure he's not that upset with you, Arthur. Arthur?" He asked as the blond man snorted. "Are you…are you…_laughing?"_ He demanded.

"Yes…oh God…I can't believe. I would kill to have seen my father's expression after you said that." Arthur looked up at Merlin and pulled face that made him look constipated, confused, incredulous and pissed all at the same time and Merlin burst out laughing at the outrageousness of it all.

When the finally managed to stop snickering Arthur looked down at him with a fond look.

"You know…life's a lot more interesting with you around." He told Merlin. "Crazy, ridiculous, confusing and annoying but…better I think."

"Careful Arthur." Merlin told him. "You're beginning to sound sentimental there."

"Better shut me up then." Arthur shot back, and was it Merlin's hazy and horny imagination or was Arthur leaning down?

Merlin was thinking of the best way of going about shutting Arthur up and was almost ready to put the plan into action when Hurricane Will crashed into the room and yelled loud enough for all of England to hear,

"I can't get this cock off my face!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own the pretty, pretty boys, le siiiiiiigh. If I did...well...never mind!**

**AN: I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! Life just seems to always get in the way doesn't it? I just hope it was worth the wait! Enjoy! Reviews are love! OH! And thanks to everyone has reviewed this. I love hearing from you all! :D 3  
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Morgana had been having a perfectly normal day. She had been woken by Gwen, who was much more efficient than her annoying alarm clock, albeit exceedingly more loud. Showered, dressed, then ate breakfast with the other Neanderthals whom she was forced to share an education with and the only thing odd about that part of the morning was the distinct lack of Arthur and Merlin, being oblivious and complete and utter_ boys_.

Her morning classes had been predictable, boring and somewhat disturbing since all her male professors (and one female, but Morgana was certain she used to be a man) liked to hit on her and offered _extra credit._

"I swear," Morgana said to Gwen on the way to lunch. "If Professor Tompson doesn't stop coming on to me, I'm going to do something extremely painful to a certain twitchy body part."

Gwen smiled and shook her head. "I think you secretly enjoy all that attention. I mean none of those teachers are ever going to fail you for anything."

Morgana smirked as they entered the cafeteria. "Very true. There is always an upside to everything." She said as she and Gwen laughed.

"Do you see Arthur or Merlin anywhere?" Gwen asked now, scanning the large room.

"No. I haven't seen either of them all day. Merlin wasn't in history this morning and Gawain said Arthur never showed up for economics."

"I wonder what's happened?" Gwen pondered.

"Maybe they've finally stopped being ridiculous and have at last shagged each others brains out." Morgana offered.

Gwen flushed slightly but laughed. "I doubt that. I would have had a least a text message from Merlin…"She trailed off. "Merlin said that Will showed up yesterday. I imagine he has something to do with it."

"Isn't Will that insane bloke you were telling me about? The one with the personality disorder?"

Gwen nodded. "That's the one. Merlin said that Will was acting black this week."

Morgana snorted. "How nice. Perhaps we should stop by their room?" She suggested as her mobile started to ring. "Oh…it's Uther…" She muttered checking the ID. "Hello?"

"Morgana I need a favour." Uther said.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm wonderful, Uther. Thanks for asking."

The older man sighed and managed to convey his annoyance, anger, frustration and tiredness in that single sound. "Morgana this is urgent."

"Fine, fine. What is it?"

"It's about Arthur." Uther said.

"When isn't it?" Morgana mumbled under her breath.

"I just finished talking to him," Uther continued, ignoring her comment. "And I believe I have reasons to be concerned."

"Why is that?" Morgana asked rolling her eyes at Gwen who have a nod of sympathetic understanding.

"Well for one that _roommate _of his answered the phone and I won't repeat what he said but it was highly inappropriate." Morgana snickered. She could just imagine what Merlin said. "-sounded distinctly like I was interrupting something!" Morgana heard Uther finish. "And don't get me started on the call I had from Sophia Sidle."

Morgana froze. "Sophie called you? Arthur's Sophie?"

"Well, his ex now, according to her. The poor girl was frightfully upset. She said she was worried about Arthur and the influence _that boy_ is having on him. Do you know what she said, Morgana?"

"No." She said coldly. "And I'm dying to hear this Uther, please continue."

"Miss. Sidle said that Arthur _left_ her for his roommate. His _male_ roommate."

Morgana sighed. She was going to hunt that witch down and destroy her. "I'm afraid she forgot to tell you one crucial detail, Uther."

"Oh really?" He asked, in a disbelieving tone. "And what would that be?"

"The little _dear_, "she sneered, "didn't tell you that she had been cheating on Arthur for three months. For half the time they were together she'd been banging Valiant!" Morgana snapped angrily.

"Morgana!" Uther said. "That kind of foul language-"

"Did you not just hear what I said?" Morgana demanded, ignoring Gwen's sniggering.

"Yes, Morgana, I did. And while that is terrible that doesn't mean my son should….should experiment with the first available person!"

Morgana could feel the pressure of a headache coming on. "And what is it you want me to do?"

"Talk some sense into him!" Uther demanded. "Surely he and Miss. Sidle can work things out. She is an appropriate match for him, a relationship I can give my blessing to."

"And it doesn't hurt that she's the daughter of Pastor Sidle? Your long time friend and one of your financial backers for your political campaign?"

Uther huffed. "That has nothing-"

"Oh that has everything to do with it Uther." Morgana snapped. "And I'm not going to run around after Arthur and try and fix the mess that is your relationship with him. That's something you have to do if you can ever find time in your busy schedule."

"Morgana! I don't have to listen to thi-"

"Then don't!" Morgana shouted before she promptly hung up on him.

Gwen's mouth was hanging open in shock as Morgana grabbed her arm. "Come on. We need to go see Arthur and warn him of the little game Sophie is playing."

"What did she do?" Gwen asked as people dodged out of Morgana's warpath.

"That good for nothing _tart_ called Uther and told him some sob story about Arthur leaving her for Merlin." Morgana said darkly. "Move it!" She yelled to a group of drama students (you could always tell with them) in her way. The frantically scattered for cover and Gwen was sure a few of the burst into tears.

When the finally arrived at room 401, and Gwen had shouted apologies to a least 60 different and terrified bystanders, Morgana pounded on the door and demanded to be let in.

"Arthur!" She called. "Open up! I know you're in there!"

No answer.

"Fine." She huffed pulling out a key.

"Where did you get that?" Gwen asked.

"It was a spare Arthur had made. He's forever losing his keys. Mostly because I take them." She snickered as she pushed the door open.

"God, I forget how pink this damn place is." Gwen said as they stepped in.

"Where the hell are they?" Morgana asked, squinting as if the sheer brightness of the room blinded her.

Then they heard the shower going.

The two girls exchanged confused looks and quietly made their way over to the bathroom door and pressed their ears up against it.

-wasting hot water, Merlin." They heard Arthur say.

"It'll be harder to get off with cold water, you prat." Merlin answered.

Gwen and Morgana's eyes widened in shock.

Merlin hissed. "Bloody hell! You're going to take the damn skin off rubbing it like that!"

"Well excuse me for not being an expert in these things. It's not like I've done this before!"

Morgana stifled a snort behind her hand as Gwen giggled.

"Okay, lean forward under the water. This is might hurt a bit." Merlin cautioned.

"Fuck! You made me drop the soap you idiot!" Arthur cursed. "Ouch! What the bloody hell was that?!"

"Stop mucking about Arthur and help me with this! It's gonna take a team effort to get off."

"Well if you hadn't stuck it there in the first place we wouldn't be having his problem!" Arthur snapped back.

"I didn't hear you complaining last night!" Merlin retorted.

"That's it." Morgana said. "I need to see what's going on."

"Morgana! No!" Gwen cried.

But Morgana was all ready in the bathroom. "What the hell are your three doing?" She yelled.

"_Three?!"_ Gwen thought before she stepped over the threshold to see one of the oddest sights she's ever laid eyes on.

Merlin, Arthur and Will were all crammed together, half naked, shirts thrown haphazardly on the floor, in the small one person shower. Will was on his hands and knees and Arthur was holding his head under the water as Merlin, who was straddling Will's back, held a dripping cloth in one hand and a bar of soap in the other.

"Er…" Was all Merlin could say.

"Oh for fuck sake." Arthur snapped, pushing his wet hair out of his face. "We're trying to get this prick off his stupid face."

"I beg your pardon?" Morgana asked.

Merlin sighed. "I drew a penis on Will's face last night when he was sleeping. And now it won't come off."

"I'm going to kill you for this." They heard Will splutter under the stream of water.

"Serves your right for getting high, you moronic tosser." Arthur said.

Morgana and Gwen only continued to stare.

"Well, hurry up!" Will demanded. "I don't care if we have an audience for this! And Merlin?"

"Um…yes, Will?"

"I know seeing your boyfriend in all his wet half naked glory gets you excited but it's terribly uncomfortable to _feel_ that excitement poke me in the back!"

Merlin gaped and flushed a furious red as Arthur look smug and Gwen and Morgana burst out laughing.

It took another 45 minutes of cursing, threats and water fights to get the cock off Will's face.

Morgana and Gwen had entertained themselves by taking pictures with the cameras in their mobiles and dodging out of the way when Arthur or Merlin would try to splash them.

"I am never falling asleep in your presence again." Will said (in a terrible attempt at an American accent) as he collapsed on Merlin's bed.

Morgana sat gracefully on the edge of the bed carefully avoiding Will's wet feet as Gwen lowered herself into a bean bag chair.

"That was probably the greatest thing I have ever witnessed." Morgana announced while Merlin and Arthur searched for dry shirts. "Even better than the time when Great Aunt Betty forgot you were a boy, Arthur, and forced you into a frilly pink cocktail dress."

Arthur dropped the white t-shirt he was holding as everyone in the room burst out laughing.

"I was seven!" Arthur yelled. "And impressionable. I was traumatised for weeks!"

"It was the best tea party I ever hosted." Morgana said with an evil smile. "You made such a pretty little girl, Arty."

"Shut it, Morgana!" Arthur snapped, pulling his shirt on as Merlin tried, in vain, to stifle his hysteria into one of Arthur's football jerseys.

"I pegged you as a trannie, you know." Will's muffled voice told him. "I can always tell." He looked up at him from the bed. "Can you walk in high heels?"

Arthur viciously threw a pillow in Will's direction, before plopping himself down on his bed, next to a giggling Merlin.

"Why are you snorting into my shirt?" He demanded.

Merlin gulped in some air in between laughing fits and said, "'Cause I was about to put it on but Morgana distracted me with the mental image of you as a child transvestite." The room erupted with snorts of amusement again and Arthur glared at them. "Did you have a tiara and everything? I can see you as a snotty little princess, you know."

Arthur cuffed him in the back of the head and grabbed his shirt out of Merlin's hands before hauling it over his too large ears. Merlin's muffled protests couldn't be heard as his head was trapped in the fabric but when he finally emerged from Arthur's attack, hair rumpled and cheeks flushed he gasped out, "Arthur you sodding prat! Why are you always so rough?" He demanded rubbing his red ears.

"You've never complained before." Arthur said with an outrageous wink. Obviously putting in a show for a scowling Will.

"Yeah well, you almost tore my ears off, you stupid git." Merlin snapped.

"Sorry." Arthur replied and it sounded so sincere that Merlin would have turned his head to look at him, but Arthur started bloody nuzzling Merlin's ear with his nose. "You know how much I like your ears." He whispered and Merlin shivered as they heard Gwen giggle and Morgana huff out an exasperated sigh.

"Right, that's it. I'm blowing this pop stand." Will declared, standing up on the bed. "I've had my fix of homo erotica for the day." He said as he wobble-legged his way to the floor. "See you cats later." He called as he grabbed one of Arthur's jackets to cover his bare torso and blew out the door.

"Christ, I thought he'd never leave!" Arthur groaned as he fell back on the bed. "How did you survive being his friend?" He asked.

Merlin snorted. "I can deal with you and not murder anyone, Princess. Will's just a different breed is all."

"Different species more like." Arthur mumbled. "And don't call me Princess."

"Do you know how painful it is to watch you two?" Morgana asked.

Arthur sat up to glare at her. "Was there a reason you broke into our room? Or was it just to grace us with your wench like presence?"

Morgana rolled her eyes. "Well, Arthur _dearest_, I merely came to inform you that I received a very interesting call from Uther today."

"Shit," Arthur cursed. "He called me as well. Ranting about what he always rants about."

"Your failure as a good son?" Morgana asked with an amused smile.

Arthur grinned. "Basically."

"What did he want?" Merlin asked with fear evident in his eyes.

"He wants to know why you dumped Sophie. She bloody called him, Arthur."

"I know." Arthur groaned. "What the hell was she thinking?"

Morgana shook her head. "She a lying manipulative bint, Arthur. She doesn't need a reason. I think she's just trying to get you into trouble by telling Uther that you've suddenly decided to play for the other team."

Arthur's eyes widened as Merlin paled. "She _told_ him that?" Arthur demanded.

"Oh God, he's going to kill me isn't he?" Merlin despaired.

"Uther is not going to kill you, Merlin." Gwen reassured him.

"Of course he is!" Merlin cried. "He thinks I'm buggering his only child!"

Arthur snorted at this a gave Merlin a 'you're-being-totally-over-dramatic-again-but-I-find-it-highly-endearing', look. (At least that's how Morgana interprets it)

"Take a breath, Merlin." Arthur said, squeezing his shoulder. "My father won't care that much. He'll just think I'm doing what all students at Uni do."

"What? Does everyone fuck their roommates now-a-days?" Merlin sniped.

"Merlin for God's sake-" Arthur began.

"There's nothing else to it. I'm well and truly dead. I mean your father works for the Ministry of Defence! He could send the army after me!"

"He will not-"

"Oh bugger, what if he conscripts me? Can they still do that? Do you know what would happen to me in the army? He could have me killed and have it look like an accident. Or get me blown up by some psychotic suicide bomber." Morgana and Gwen were giggling at this point and looking at Merlin with fond exasperation as he ranted about Uther sending him into the desert to die or shooting his helicopter down and proclaiming the enemy did it.

"Merlin!" Arthur finally yelled, clapping his hand over his friends mouth.

Merlin raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"My father is not going to harm you. And he certainly won't force you into the service. He tries to protect the country, not destroy it, yeah? If you went anywhere near a loaded gun or anything with destructive power, I'm fairly sure the United Kingdom would fall within a matter of days. My father would sooner marry us off before he let you in the army. All right?"

Merlin nodded and Arthur removed his hand.

"You are a complete drama queen, you know that?" Arthur asked fondly, ruffling his hair.

"Am not." Merlin said with a pout.

"You really actually are." Gwen said smiling apologetically. "Having known you since we were four I think I have enough memories of melt downs and ice cream binges to support this fact."

Merlin merely stuck his tongue out at her like the mature adult that he is.

"Anyway," Arthur continued. "I'll call my father later and explain what happened between me and Sophie."

"You realise he's going to fight you on this." Morgana cautioned. "He's been trying to get you and her together since you were old enough to wank. And the only reason for that is, "Morgana continued ignoring Arthur's protesting to her discussing his wanking days, "because of Sophie's dad."

"Yes well, my father will just have to accept it. He all ready knows I don't give a shit about politics and his campaigns. I'm not going to shack up with a bird just so he can get her dad to fund his resources."

"He won't care what you want or say Arthur. He's so invested in this political campaign that he'll do whatever it takes. He needs Pastor Sidle's money and support."

"And what do you think the good pastor will say if he finds out that his daughter was shagging not one, but two blokes at the same time? The same pastor who preaches abstinence and constantly raves about his pure little girl."

Morgana's smile could only be described as diabolical. "I do believe you have made a valid point here, Arthur. Good for you." Arthur rolled his eyes at that and Morgana went on. "I'll take care of Sophie, brother dear. You can handle Uther."

"You two are terrifying, you know that?" Gwen asked. "I wouldn't want you mad at me. I'd fear for my life."

Morgana reached over to pat her hand. "Don't worry. You could never make me angry. And if Merlin pisses Arthur off, I'm sure Arthur could think of something far more productive than to kill him. An act more pleasurable than painful." She cocked her head at Arthur. "Unless you're into that, of course."

Arthur glowered at her. "If you're done imagining me naked, Morgana, we're currently missing our first afternoon classes."

"Oh bollocks!" Merlin cursed as he leapt up and scrambled for his Medieval Herbs: Ancient Remedies for a Modern Age text, stuffing it into his ragged shoulder bag. "Giaus is going to murder me." He groaned. "I'll see you all later!" He called as he dashed out the door.

Morgana sighed as she noticed the slightly put out look on Arthur's face. "When are you going to realize you fancy the pants off him?"

"What was that Morgana?" Arthur asked, pretending he didn't understand her. "I don't speak the language of the Wenches." Morgana opened her mouth to tell him off but Arthur just carried on. "Anyway, I'm off as well. Intro to Finance waits for no man." He said, snatching up his bag. "You can let yourselves out _and_ leave the key behind." He added as he slipped pass Morgana and all but ran out the door.

The two women exchanged exasperated and defeated looks.

"_Boys." _They said together.

Hours later when Merlin finally returned to his and Arthur's room utterly exhausted he found himself walking in on a shouting match between Arthur and his iphone.

"I will not go back to her, Father!" Arthur yelled into his mobile as Merlin opened the door.

"You damn well know why! Would you go back to a woman who shagged one of your closest friends for most of the time you were together?" He snapped as Merlin quietly set his bag down, looking concernedly over at his friend.

Arthur dragged his hand down his face as he listened to his father's reply. "Of course I'm _sure_ she was with Valiant!…how do I know?" He demanded suddenly furious. "I bloody walked in on them in the change rooms by the football pitch!"

Merlin winced. He hadn't heard that part. He had been so preoccupied with pretending to date the prat he hadn't found out the entire story. He got the feeling that Arthur didn't want to talk about it, so he had refrained from asking.

He heard Arthur heave out a tired sigh and sink on to his bed. "My relationship with Merlin is none of your business, Father." Arthur said firmly. "No, it isn't some casual fling to make Sophie jealous."

Merlin snorted at that and Arthur threw a glare in his direction.

"While this talk is beyond stimulating Father, I have school work that needs attending." Arthur gritted his teeth listening to Uther's answer. "Yes, well, I wouldn't want to hurt your chances in your political circle. Good luck with your campaign." He said between clenched teeth, obviously meaning quite the opposite as he viciously shut his phone off and slammed the offending object down on his table.

Merlin was silent for a moment, letting Arthur calm himself down before he padded over to his irate friend to sit next to him on the bed.

"I take it that it went worse than you thought?" He asked softly.

Arthur snorted. "That's putting it mildly. He is completely obsessed with his work. He always was, but now he's on a warpath."

"What's he trying to do?"

Arthur shrugged. "What all politicians do. Move up and gain more power. The usual."

Merlin nodded, pretending to understand. He had no ideas what politicians got up to. And come to think of it, he really didn't care to find out as he watched Arthur rub his temples with a pained grimace.

"Headache?" He asked sympathetically.

"Yeah. And since it's been induced by my father there isn't any pain medication on the planet that'll make it go away." Arthur said, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands with a gusty sigh.

"I can help if you want." Merlin offered nervously. "I learned about pressure points in Anatomy a few weeks ago. They can relieve headaches."

He shrugged again. "If you think it'll work."

"Trust me, it works like a charm. Plus it'll be good practise for me." He said grinning as Arthur groaned and looked up at him.

"I will not be your guinea pig for all your odd medical experiments."

Merlin laughed and stood, moving Arthur's pillows so he could take their place. "Right then," He said placing the pillow on front of him and sitting cross legged. "Lie on your back, then, patient."

Arthur rolled his eyes at him but did as he was told.

"You won't paralyze me will you?" He asked warily as he lay back and shifted to get comfortable.

Merlin shook his head. "I'll just be working your suboccipital muscles. And if that doesn't help there's one between your eyes and another just off to the sides of your eyes as well."

"Know it all." Arthur teased as he closed his eyes. "If you do paralyze me, I'll kick your arse." He threatened.

"Right." Merlin said rolling his eyes as he felt around the back of Arthur's skull, in the area between the ears, trying to find a good place to start. He began to apply various amounts of pressure along that line feeling Arthur's muscles react under his touch.

"Bugger that feels good." Arthur mumbled.

"Told you." Merlin said rubbing at the spot behind the bone under the ear as Arthur shuddered.

"Should do this for a living." Arthur muttered. "Don't need to be a doctor."

"What? I should massage you for a living?" He asked finally finding the hollow indent at the base of his skull and moving his thumb up and down, knowing the spine tingling sensation it would cause.

"Fuck." Arthur groaned. "What the hell is that?"

"People call it the Bliss Spot in class."

"I can bloody see why." Arthur breathed and Merlin began applying more pressure to the area. "Magic fingers, you." He sighed.

Merlin chuckled. "You have no idea."

He continued his ministrations for a while. Helping Arthur relax and relieve the unbelievable amount of tension in his muscles.

"Figures your suboccipitals would be so tense." Merlin said after a bit.

"Hmm?" Arthur asked.

"Your suboccipitals pretty much make sure that your head doesn't fall off. And seeing as you're head is so inflated, you've been working these poor muscles to death."

Arthur opened his eyes to scowl at him. "I'd hit you, but I'm far too comfortable." He said before yawning loudly.

Merlin pulled his hands out from Arthur's head and the other man groaned. "Why are you stopping?"

"Because, it's late and we need sleep." Merlin informed him, moving off Arthur's bed.

"Mmmm…sleep." Arthur sighed, into his pillow.

Merlin shook his head in fond exasperation. "Good night, then Arthur."

"You too. And thanks."

"No problem." Merlin told him, stripping down to his boxers before he began to climb into bed. Halfway under the blankets his legs came into contact with something wet and cold. He yelped in shock and fell off his mattress.

"S'wrong?" Arthur's bleary voice asked.

"That bastard!" Merlin curse pulling a sopping t-shirt from under his sheet and threw it on the ground. "Will stuffed his, well your, wet shirt in my bed."

"Why?" Arthur asked sitting up.

"Cause he's Will that's why." Merlin groused as he check his bed over. "Perfect, even the mattress is soaked. I am so going to murder him. How am I supposed to sleep in this?"

Arthur sighed, tiredly and said, "Just sleep with me again, then. If you lie in a wet bed you'll probably catch something horrible and die. You're too skinny for your own good you know." He informed Merlin as he wiggled back further on his bed to make room for Merlin. "Now hurry up and get in. I'm falling asleep as we speak."

Merlin rolled his eyes heavenward, but did what he was told and arranged himself comfortably in Arthur's bed.

"G'night." Merlin said.

Arthur merely grunted.

"Try not to snuggle me again." Merlin teased. But Arthur was all ready asleep.

Sighing, Merlin closed his eyes and tried not to think about the heat he could feel coming off Arthur's body.

This, he thought, was all getting slightly out of hand.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own!! Stop making me say this! *Goes off to cry***

**AN: Er....hello to anyone who may still be reading this, lol. I'm REALLY sorry it took so long to update. Real life (AND WRITER'S BLOCK!) got in the way for a while so I've had a hard time getting this out. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it. Hope you like this new chapter. It's my favourite so far. Cheers!  
**

* * *

Waking up, for the second day in a row, with Merlin in his bed, wasn't as strange as it probably should have been. Though this morning was significantly different from yesterday. Yesterday both of them had been clothed. Today, however Merlin only had his boxers on (which had magic wands on them and Arthur thought, not for the first time that Merlin was a total dork) and Arthur had stripped his shirt off some time during the night. He had forgotten how much heat two bodies could create while sharing a bed. When Arthur had groggily opened his eyes as the sun peaked in through the pink curtains (yes, even the curtains are pink) he found himself hopelessly tangled with Merlin. He stared down at the dark mop of hair that rested on his chest and wondered, not for the first time since meeting this strange boy, why it didn't feel…weird. Or even awkward. It should _at least_ be awkward to wake up holding this idiot in his arms.

But it wasn't. Which freaked the ever loving shit out of him. Well, it had in the beginning anyway. That drunken snog he had with Merlin was still vivid in his mind a while at first he denied it, he now had to admit that he enjoyed it. Thoroughly. And now that Merlin was safely burrowed in his bed, sleep rumpled and warm, Arthur had the sudden urge to kiss him again. Minus the being drunk part of course.

He wasn't gay, he told himself as his fingers absently traced patterns on Merlin's spine. He liked girls, he knew that. Merlin was the first bloke he had ever…the _only _bloke he ever could…and that was just it wasn't it? Merlin was just so…there wasn't even a word for what he actually was, but Arthur felt drawn to it so powerfully that he it didn't matter if Merlin was a bloke or that he had paint blotches on his fingers or that he muttered medical terms in his sleep. Merlin could be a bloody mutant axe murderer and Arthur would still be stupid about him.

"Bugger." He said out loud and Merlin frowned and stirred until Arthur hushed him and carded a hand through the other boy's hair.

Merlin snuggled deeper into his embrace and sighed a name in his sleep. "Arthur…" He murmured and he felt Merlin's breath ghost across his collarbone.

Arthur's head flopped back down onto his pillow.

He was _fucked._ (And not in the good way either.)

Arthur had eventually fallen back asleep (and had a strange, yet satisfying dream about being IN the Mario Kart game and pummelling Will with a turtle shell) when he was rudely awoken by high pitched giggling and annoying clicking sounds.

He groaned, "Morgana if you are taking pictures of me I swear to God…"

The noises stopped.

Arthur opened his sleep crusted eyes to see both Morgana and Gwen holding their phones out and sniggering. "I hate you two, I hope you know that." He said flatly as the snapped their phones shut.

"Oh you love us, Arthur." Morgana said quietly, peering down at Arthur, oh Christ, with a fond look in her eye.

"What?" He asked in a petulant voice.

"You two are so cute!" Gwen said, her voice reaching dolphin like tones as she squeaked.

"Hush, Gwen." Morgana said in an amused voice. "Wouldn't want to wake Merlin up. He looks very comfortable." She teased.

Arthur looked down at the scruffy head resting on his chest, cold nose pressing against his flesh and watched as it moved up and down in time with his breathing. Merlin's arm was thrown across his stomach and his leg nestled between Arthur's thighs and as if on cue he muttered something about cold appendages and the circulatory system and shuffled closer so he could bury his nose into Arthur's neck. Without even thinking about it Arthur's arm tightened its hold around Merlin's waist to keep him in place.

The girls sighed and Arthur glared at them and Gwen whipped her phone back out and furiously took as many pictures as she could.

Arthur opened his mouth to tell them off but Morgana hushed him.

"Ah ah, Arthur, don't make too much noise now." She smirked as Arthur snapped his mouth shut.

"What do you two want anyway?" He asked in a frustrated voice.

"To tell you that we're all going to a party tonight." Morgana answered. "It's gonna be fab. And we don't get out enough anymore-"

"We went out last week!" Arthur protested.

Morgana rolled her eyes. "Merlin's uncle's 65th birthday party doesn't count." She told him.

"It was a good party for a 65 year old. I didn't believe Merlin when he told me his Uncle Gaius could do the Single Ladies dance. I had no idea a bloke could even move like that much less an old one."

Gwen giggled at the memory and Morgana shook her head but a small smile turned her lips up.

"Be that as it may, we're still going out tonight."

"Fine, fine." Arthur said, knowing it was futile to argue with Morgana. "Whose party is it?"

Her smirk came out in full force and Arthur suddenly wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up again.

"It's Sophie's party. Her birthday is next week after all."

"You're fucking _kidding_ me!" Arthur demanded loudly and Merlin woke with a snort.

"Wassamatter?" He said blearily into Arthur's neck. "What'd Will do?" He asked lips brushing Arthur's skin.

He suppressed a shiver and forced himself to sit up to he could stare down at his sleepy friend, who simply flopped face down onto the bed.

"Will is gone you idiot. Gwen and Morgana are here now, but they're bothering me as much as that psychopath did."

"Mmm…S'okay then." He murmured trying to snuggle further into Arthur's sheets.

"They were taking pictures of us." Arthur told him

"S'nice…" Came Merlin's muffled reply.

"They took pictures of you in your ridiculous boxers. Wands, Merlin? Really?"

"Wands're cool." Merlin said a little more awake.

"They want us to go to a party tonight. _Sophie's_ birthday party.

Merlin's eyes shot open. "But she'll try to murder me!" He yelped and he struggled to sit up. "First it's Fruit Loops on your head and the next it's a body dump in the Thames!"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Good morning to you as well, Merlin. So glad you could finally join us."

"If we go to that party-" Merlin started.

"You can show that two timing skank just how happy you are together." Morgana interrupted.

"And the she'll murder me. Lovely." Merlin said crossing his arms and trying to look defiant. But all it served to do was make Arthur's heart flip over at how ridiculously endearing he appeared.

"We won't let her hurt you, Merlin." Gwen said consolingly, standing closer to the bed. "You're far too adorable for anyone to harm anyway." She laughed as she ruffled Merlin's hair.

"I'm so glad you find my eminent demise to entertaining." Merlin muttered before he let out a huge sigh. "I don't suppose we have a choice in this matter to we?" He asked sullenly.

"Nope!" Gwen chirped happily. "None what-so-ever!"

Arthur rolled his eyes as Merlin collapsed back down on the bed.

"Don't you get all huffy with us, Arthur." Morgana said in a no nonsense tone of voice. "You are the one who wanted to get back at Sophie and you now have a good opportunity to rub it in her face."

Arthur sighed. "Fine, whatever. We'll be there. Is it still at Gawaine's place?"

"Yes, though he isn't very happy about it. Gawaine almost strangled Valiant with his own footie jersey when he found out what he and Sophie did to you."

"Why doesn't he tell her to bugger off and have the party somewhere else?" Merlin asked, his voice muffled since he dragged a pillow over his face.

"Stop trying to suffocate yourself, you idiot." Arthur said pulling the pillow away from Merlin's head.

Merlin merely glared at him, eyes narrowed but lips pouting and Arthur felt another tug at his heart and cursed inwardly.

"Gawaine is too much of a nice guy to do that. The party has been planned for ages and his house is the closest and biggest." Morgana explained.

Merlin mumbled something about injecting chivalry with morphine and tying it up in a sack and Arthur sorted as the dark haired boy grabbed the pillow back from him and placed it over his face once more.

"Right." Arthur said. "I guess I see your point." He admitted reluctantly. He slapped the pillow covering Merlin's undoubtedly defeated look. "You'll go right?" He asked.

Merlin made a distressed sound but agreed in a hopeless voice. "Yes. But you owe me."

Arthur scoffed. "You said I owe you for pretending to go out with me."

"That was before I became most wanted on Sophie's hit list." Merlin said.

And God Arthur felt like he was having a conversation with a pillow. So he lifted the bundle off his face and Merlin squinted up at him, eyes reacting to the sunshine.

"I'll be your best friend forever." Arthur promised as Merlin rolled his eyes.

"You all ready are by best friend you prat. I said I'd go. But if she comes near me…"

"Don't worry." Gwen said, and the boys looked over at them for a moment forgetting they were still there. "Lance will be there as well. And so will Arthur's footie mates. They'll protect you."

Arthur nodded. "Yeah, they all ready want to adopt you. They like you more than they like me, I think."

"They forced me into the school mascot costume and pelted me with paint balls!" Merlin said, indignantly.

"I know!" Arthur said, and oh bloody hell he sounded jealous. "They haven't pulled anything like that on me in ages! And you were forever cemented in their good favour when you put itching powder in their jock straps and managed to super glue Owain and Percy together. I can't fathom how they believed it when you told them you knew a secret football move that never fails to trip the other team's players."

Merlin smiled at the memory. "It look them three hours to figure out how to get apart."

Arthur snorted. "And another two hours before we saw them again. They vanished into a storage shed after finally realizing they were both attracted to each other."

"What can I say? I do good work." Merlin said, sitting up with a grin on his face. "How are they by the way?"

"Can barely keep their hands off each other." Morgana said dryly. "Leon's been moaning about it."

"I think its sweet." Gwen said.

"And about time." Arthur put in. "How did you know they even liked each other like that?" He asked Merlin.

"I have my ways." Merlin said. "And anyway it was painfully obvious. And everyone one else on the team complained about the sexual tension. I firmly believe I did you all a favour."

Arthur smiled at him. "Yeah you did. We're all happy that they finally got their acts together. The team appreciates what you did. Even though it was a cheap and dirty way of doing it." He added.

"That was nothing. I could have done much worse." Merlin said. "This one time, me and Will-"

"Stop." Arthur said holding up a hand. "Whenever a story starts with 'Me and Will' I know its guaranteed to give me nightmares for a week."

Merlin merely rolled his eyes and forced himself out of the bed.

Morgana wolf whistled. "Sexy boxers Merlin." She teased. "And you know, for a skinny bloke your in excellent shape. If I were a man I would totally go for you." She winked saucily at him and Merlin was at a loss as to what he should say.

"Stop scaring him Morgana." Arthur demanded. "And get out while you're at it. If you want us to go to this stupid party the we need to make ourselves presentable."

Morgana arched a perfect eyebrow at him. "You know Arthur, for a straight bloke you spend an obscene amount of time on your clothes and appearance."

"Don't be so prejudice, Morgana." Arthur said. "Not all gay men worry about the clothing or care about what they look like. Take Merlin for example."

"Oi!" Merlin said indignantly. "Don't be such a prat!"

Arthur merely threw a pillow at him and Gwen and Morgana hastily retreated when the fight threatened to become violent.

* * *

It was around 10:00 at night when Arthur found himself stuffed into the back seat of Gwen's ancient green Beatle with Lance by his side and Merlin sprawled on top of them.

"You know," Arthur began as they went over a pothole and his head smacked the roof. "We could have called a taxi. I think this might be a little dangerous."

"Don't be ridiculous." Gwen scoffed. "Sassy has been a loyal and wonderful car."

Merlin snorted as Gwen turned a corner and Arthur was forced to grab Merlin's hips so he wouldn't go crashing out the window.

"I seem to remember vividly when Sassy died on us in the middle of the Welsh country side and we were stranded in a rotty old cabin for three days."

Gwen huffed. "Stop mudding the name of my car, Merlin. I seem to recall the time you broke your wrist after that Great Dane you just had to pet in the park, jumped on you, and Sassy drove you speedily to the hospital. I never heard someone make such a fuss before. You'd think you hadn't ever broken anything in you life."

"It was my drawing hand!" Merlin yelped as Gwen came to a sudden stop at a crosswalk and both Lance and Arthur grabbed him before he went shooting out the windshield. "What if it hadn't healed properly? I would never had been able to draw again!"

Gwen tutted as Morgana told her to take her next right to get on Gawain's street.

Lance whistled. "Now these are houses." He said as the turned the corner. "Bloody hell, why does that person have a bridge on their front lawn?" He asked as the glided down the road.

"Because they have too much money and not enough sense." Morgana answered as they came up to a cluster of cars parked along the street. "Park here, Gwen. It's as close as we're going to get."

Gwen guided Sassy into a tight spot and rambled on about the wonders of having a small car before they all piled out and Arthur muttered something about sodding clown cars and their crazy woman drivers.

Gwen chose the higher road and decided to pretend she couldn't hear him, though Morgana smacked his arm as they made their way farther down the street, where the sound of loud music could all ready be heard.

Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand as the past the wrought iron gates and onto the biggest and most ridiculous driveway Merlin had ever seen.

It was all white and grey cobblestone and it blossomed into a circular drive, the kind you see in the movies, with a bloody two tiered fountain in the middle. The fountain was surrounded by purple and while flowers which cradled sparkling lights that flicked like fairy wings in the dark.

"Mother fucking hell." Merlin said.

Arthur chuckled. "Have you even looked at the house yet?"

Merlin looked up at the impressive (and inappropriately massive) yellow stoned house, aged to look older and Arthur said something about idiots imitating French manors. Huge white columns loomed aside the entry way, which consisted of the single largest door to ever have graced Merlin's presence and he blanched.

"Who the fuck needs three chimneys?" Lance demanded.

"I feel like this house wants to eat me up and spit me back out." Merlin said. "Do we have to go in?"

"Of course we do, _Mer_lin." Arthur said, nodding to a couple staggering out of the shrubbery.

"And who needs eight foot bushes?" Lance asked now as Gwen giggled.

Arthur dragged Merlin by the waist through the front door and into the marble entry way with its double stair case lined with a deep purple carpet and monster of a chandelier that someone was trying to throw their friends left boot in. They were depositing their jackets in the coat room when they heard the loud cry of:

"Piss off you arsehole!" As the owner of the boot shouted and tackled his mate to the ground, spilling beer all over the floor.

"How mature." Morgana sneered as she swept into the entryway, high heeled green shoes clacking against the marble. "Ostentatious." She muttered, eyeing the staircase, as she waved them a farewell and went in search of drinks.

"Have fun you two." Gwen said as she and Lance drifted into the room on the left. "And behave!" She called over the pounding music that Merlin just registered.

"Why do that always tell _us_ to behave?" Arthur pouted.

"Cause we always end up in trouble?" Merlin offered.

"Lies." Arthur said, leading him into the what appeared to be a living, elegant with its dark hard floor and stark white furnishings. The affect of the rich, stylish room was lost however thanks to the 30 other people in it gyrating and grinding to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance.

"Why is that bloke under the piano?" Merlin yelled over the music as Arthur dragged him to another huge door on the other side of the sweaty and swaying wall of people.

Arthur looked over his shoulder where indeed, there was a man lying under a grand piano, waving his hands wildly, telling a story to the black under belly of the instrument. "We probably don't want to know." Arthur said wisely pushing through the massive door and into a kitchen the size of Merlin's old apartment.

It was quieter in here but there were still loads of, what Merlin guessed to be, uni students in various degrees of inebriation. They ranged from 'I'm slightly tipsy but I'm still in control as I puke on your shoes' to 'I'm so tanked I'm gonna make out with this artfully displayed fake plant and then puke on your head."

"God I love university." Arthur laughed as he seized two glasses of beer and thrust one at Merlin.

"Er…you know I can't handle my liquor." Merlin commented as he eyed the dark beverage with distaste.

"Oh come on, Merlin. It's a Friday! No classes tomorrow so you can sleep off the horrible hangover all day. Just let loose for once, yeah?" Arthur said taking a swig of his beer.

Merlin sighed. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to regret this?" He asked.

Arthur smirked. "Those are the best kind of nights!" He said enthusiastically and Merlin could help but catch Arthur contagious eagerness and took a gulp of his own drink…and immediately wished he didn't.

"Holy fuck! What the hell is this?" He gasped alcohol burning his throat.

"Beer…and stuff." Arthur said not really interested.

"Who the hell mixes beer with anything?" Merlin demanded as Arthur grabbed his hand again and pulled him out of the kitchen and into…another fucking living room. With two grand pianos. And some drunken twat doing a horrible rendition of "My Heart Will Go On."

"He's murdering that song." Merlin mumbled as Arthur spotted some of his footie mates where they had thrown themselves on a enormous leather sectional sofa and headed in their direction.

"You can't murder a song that's all ready dead, Merlin." Arthur said dryly, finishing his beer and whatever and setting the empty cup down on a table.

Merlin barked a laugh. "Ha! I happen to know that this song is on your iPod. It's under the 'songs from movies that made me cry" play list." He informed him draining the last of his God awful drink and setting his glass next to Arthur's.

Arthur stopped and turned to face him. "If you _ever_ mention that to _anyone_." He threatened, pointing a finger at Merlin's nose.

Merlin snickered. "Your secret's safe with me, Princess." He said grinned madly at him.

Arthur was about to retort, or at least promise physical harm when Gawaine spotted them.

"An' there they are!!" He roared, leaping off the couch to tackle Merlin and Arthur into a crushing hug. "The two love birds!" He laughed.

"Hullo Gawaine." Merlin said his voice muffled in the man's armpit.

"Get off you stupid berk!" Arthur said shoving him away. This of course is how football players show their love for one another. Tackling, beating and insulting. Lovely.

"Ah, don' be like that Arthuuur." Gawaine slurred. "We're all jus' 'appy for yas. Aren't we men?!" He shouted to the other members of the team.

"Aye!" Leon said as Gawaine shoved Arthur down on a spot between Percy and Gareth and Merlin was forcefully pushed on Arthur's lap. "We always said that Sophie was bad news!"

"Total tart!" Shouted Galahad.

"Lecherous lemon sucker!" Cried Bedivere. (He had always been an odd one, him)

"Shhhhh!!" Percy said in an overly loud stage whisper. "She's here somewhere remember?"

"Huh?" Gawaine asked perplexed. "Why is that…that…woman in my house?"

Arthur sighed as Merlin tried to make himself comfortable on his lap. "This is her birthday party remember?" He said. "You said she could have it here months ago."

"Why would I do sometin' like tha'?" He demanded. "I never liked 'er."

"Ours is not to reason why." Merlin muttered and Arthur fed up with his constant wiggling turned him so Merlin's back was pressed against his chest and Arthur was able to wrap his arms around Merlin's waist.

"There." Arthur said resting his chin on Merlin's shoulder. "Now you can stop shifting."

Kay, who was the only (slightly)sober one out of the lot turned to say to them. "Seriously though chaps," he began. "We the team all support this new relationship," and said team began humming God Save the Queen as Kay continued his speech. "Our boy Arthur here has had some dark days in the past. What with the bad taste in women and all the parties and the drugs." (Arthur's indignant cry of, There were no drugs! What are you talking about? Was promptly ignored as Kay went on) "We all feared the worse for the young Pendragon and did our best to help him through those difficult days. But then, like sun shining through the clouds of an endless storm, our young Merlin appeared. And we knew! We knew from the moment we first heard them argue that they were destined to be together! Sophie's tiny birthday candle flame was nothing compared to the wild forest fire that was Arthur and Merlin's passion for each other!"

By now Arthur's forehead had slumped onto Merlin's shoulder and Merlin was shaking from trying to keep his giggles in.

"So we fear not!" Kay cried as the humming got louder. "For the dark days of Sophie's perpetual winter are behind us! And now the bright clear days of Merlin's summer lie upon the horizon! Raise your glasses men! In a toast! To Arthur and Merlin! Destiny and love! Two halves a hole! Together at last! Together forever!"

Then the whole damn room burst into cheers and cries of "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" sprung up from the crowd and Merlin and Arthur were thrown from the couch to stand in front of the mad throng of chanters.

"Er…" Merlin said, uncertain of what they should do.

Arthur too appeared lost and if Merlin was reading him correctly, slightly nervous. It was only when Merlin heard Sophie's nasally tone shriek, "What is going on here?!" did he move into action.

"Fuck it." Merlin said. And he kissed him.

For a moment Arthur stiffened and Merlin almost panicked before Arthur seemed to adopt his 'fuck it' train of thought and he grabbed the back of Merlin's head to deepen the kiss. Arthur's other hand settled on the small of Merlin's back to bring him closer, chests fused together, and the fingers Merlin hadn't threaded through Arthur's hair, knotted in fabric of his t-shirt. Neither of them heard the wild cheers as Merlin slipped his tongue into Arthur's gloriously hot mouth and Arthur moaned low and desperate and he pushed his way into Merlin's mouth tasting and exploring with ridiculous enthusiasm.

Finally when oxygen was needed they parted and the sounds of the rambunctious sea of admirers crashed over them as they panted and stared into each others glassy eyes.

"Hell of a kiss that was!" Hollered Gawaine as people began to drift away. He threw an arm over both their shoulders and said in a deep, suggestive voice. "I've got a shit load of rooms that are probably, for the most part, unoccupied…if ya get my drift." He winked at them.

"I…well…I don't think…" Merlin stammered.

Arthur, finally coming out of where the hell he went, just laughed. "Maybe later you filthy pervert." He said before sliding his fingers into Merlin's grasp. "But I think more drinks are in order."

Merlin nodded hastily. "Yes…drinks. Drinks would be good."

"Ahhh! Is that what they're calling it these days?" Gawaine said to their retreating forms. "Make an honest man out of our boy, Emrys!" He bellowed.

"Oh my God." Merlin said, mind still fuzzy from the kiss.

"Bastard." Arthur mumbled as he located a tray of jello shooters and proceeded to drag Merlin over to it.

"Umm…if I have just two of those I'll be done." Merlin said.

Arthur rolled his eyes and picked two up, shoving one into Merlin's hands. "Just drink you idiot." He said, knocking his glass against Merlin's and muttered, "Cheers" before downing it.

"Er…are you ok?" Merlin asked after choking down his drink.

_Of course I'm all right! I'm just having a minor sexual crisis and am quite possibly falling hard for my best friend, but besides that I'm wonderful! Thanks for asking! _Was what Arthur wanted to say but he opted to babble out: "What? Why would you ask that?" He demanded throwing back another shooter.

"Umm…well…you're slurping those things back like they're water and…er…well we just…you know…snogged."

Oh God, Merlin thought. Why am I initiating this conversation? He grabbed another shot, gulping it back hastily.

"Well we hardly could refuse, Merlin." Arthur said loftily. "It would have looked odd if we didn't. We _are_ going out after all."

"Oh…right." Merlin said. He should have figured Arthur only did it for show. This thought depressed him thoroughly and he picked up another drink.

Arthur grabbed his wrist before he could throw back the shooter.

"Fuck…look, that came out wrong." Arthur said. Why did he have to be such a…a prat at times like this?

But Merlin just shook his head and a wide, mad grin flashed on his face. "Forget it, Arthur." He said pulling his wrist from Arthur's warm hand and taking the shot and felt better through the pleasant buzz of alcohol. "I understand." Merlin told him. "I really do." He said as he started making his way down the hall they had hidden in.

_No_. Arthur thought as he trailed after Merlin. _You really fucking don't._

* * *

An hour or so later Merlin found himself alone walking, a little wobbly, through a jam packed room. He lost Arthur to the sheer mass of people about 20 minutes ago and he was looking for a way to get some fresh air.

He was about to go out the front door, which he still thought was far too big, when a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him into the coat room.

"What the bloody-" He froze.

Sophie stood smirking at him condescendingly. "Hello there, Fairy King."

Merlin cursed. He really wasn't in the mood for her right now. With his luck he'd end up punching her and then he'd really be in for it. No matter how much the woman deserved it.

"What the hell do you want?" He snapped.

"No need to be so hostile, Merlin." She sneered. "I'm just here to talk."

Merlin snorted. "I'm sure you do." He said dryly.

"Actually," she went on, ignoring him. "I wanted to ask you how it feels to be Arthur's rebound? Is it as hard as it looks?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "If you really think that you can make me feel like shit with this you are clearly delusional." He informed her.

"I'm only concerned, Merlin. I was very surprised that Arthur decided to go out with you in the first place. I mean with what he'd always say about you when we were together."

Merlin narrowed his eyes but his heart clenched slightly. "What…what are you talking about?"

She smiled sadly at him. "Well, I just thought you deserved to know. If you're going to be with the man, you should at least know what he really thinks about you."

The small part of his brain that wasn't affected by the horrendous amount of alcohol he consumed, started the warning bells. 'IT'S A TRICK! DON'T LISTEN TO HER, YOU IDIOT!' Merlin groaned. Since when did he brain use Arthur's voice to yell at him?

But Merlin must have been well and truly sloshed because he said, "What did he say about me?"

"Well he said how annoyingly obvious it was that you had a crush on him. I mean, no offence Merlin, but you are totally out of his league. He's the rich, beautiful boy from the perfect family. And you're well…" She sniggered. "You're so not." She patted his arm as if to comfort him. "Face it, Fairy King. You're just as experimental rebound. Arthur would never look twice at you in normal circumstances. Wake up from your little fantasy and break it off with him before he does with you. It'll be easier for all of us that way."

Merlin had remained silent for her speech focusing his angered stare at the coats behind her back, feeling that odd tingling sensation that could be passed of as alcoholic influence if not for the fact that the jackets began to sway ominously on their hangers.

Sophie, who seemed to think his hate fuelled gaze was one of devastation, continued; "Did you actually think he _liked_ you like that?" She laughed cruelly and the coats began to rock harder. "Grow up and face reality, Fairy King. Arthur is too good for you. You can never compete with me. You're nothing but a skinny, big eared, gay, loser. And that's all you'll ever be so-"

But whatever she was going to add as lost as a large fur coat suddenly sprung to life and began smacking Sophie on the head, several pairs of boots began stomping her feet and a particularly vindictive set of woolly mittens attacked her perfectly groomed hair, messing it up beyond repair.

Sophie shrieked and tried to bat the offensive objects away but they merely continued their siege.

"Oh my God!" She yelled. "What's happening? Get them off me!"

Merlin could only stare in shock as one of the mitts _waved _at him before bopping Sophie on her (look what Daddy bought me!) nose.

Sophie screamed and, forgetting that Merlin was even there, scrambled out of the coat room, with one mitt lodged in her hair and forced her way through the sea of drunken revellers, screeching about inanimate objects trying to destroy her good looks.

As the coat, boots and the one remaining mitt dropped to the floor, Merlin slide down the wall to fall onto his arse, staring in horror at the spot Sophie had been standing.

_This_, he thought hazily and terrified. _This is why I never get drunk._


End file.
